


Captivate Me

by Wistful_Wed_and_Well_Read



Category: Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Book: New Moon, College, Cornell University, F/M, Ithaca, Set about a year after Edward left Bella in the forest
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2020-09-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:53:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 25,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23926453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wistful_Wed_and_Well_Read/pseuds/Wistful_Wed_and_Well_Read
Summary: Emily Graves had lost too many people in her life. She spent the last 7 years trying to cope with the loss of her father only to lose her mother the summer after her first year of community college. Knowing she won't be able to stand staying in Maine with her step-father, she finally accepts her spot at Cornell University, an out of state college she had only dreamed of being able to afford.Once there, her distractibility and fascination with life quickly draws the attention of Jasper. Estranged by his wife, Jasper is looking for a new path in his existence. Emily teaches Jasper what it means to be captivated but will this captivation distract them from the past that haunts her?
Relationships: Carlisle Cullen/Esme Cullen, Emmett Cullen/Rosalie Hale, Jasper Hale/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 80





	1. Tawny

Sneakers squeaked on the waxed floor at the top of the lecture hall as students piled into the room, ready to get their day started but not really ready for class. The sounds became more muffled as they marched down carpeted stairs to take their seats. Most students loitered about, chatting to anyone in the class they knew. Leaning across the tops of their tables or back against their buddy’s, there was still a sense of warmth in the air despite the torrential downpour that could be viewed through the side window of the lecture hall. Many of the students were still riding on highs that the sun had brought that weekend, and not one mentioned or looked at the unfamiliar girl sitting in the third row. 

She lounged in the swiveling chair, positioned towards the front because she didn’t like when professors looked like ants, but off to the side enough that she shouldn’t draw unwanted attention to herself. She shifted her bag, on the floor against the table leg, again making sure if anyone were to want to get by she wouldn’t knock anything over in her scramble to get out of the way. She readjusted her flair pens on her desk making sure she had her pastel purple, blue, and green within reach so she could highlight any significant parts of the lecture easily. 

This process wasn’t new to her, she had spent her first year at a small college upstate, and even in small colleges the mechanics were the same. Get to class on time, get your materials out before class starts, be ready for the lecture to verge in a direction you were unprepared for, note the important assignments and highlight them in your syllabus, don’t get in a jock’s way when leaving, leave before the professor thinks you are looking for help. Repeat.

She was turned, swiveling in her chair and observing the class when the professor walked in from a door in the hallway at the bottom of the lecture hall. You could tell he was the professor because he was old, wore dress pants, and a bland sweater vest over a dress shirt even though it was still in the 70s outside. 

The girl grabbed her slip from the registrar off the table and strode down the aisle, to the stairs, and across the laminate floor before the man could finish putting his things down. He had a gravelly voice and smelled like tobacco. 

She introduced herself and handed him the half sheet to be signed. Her voice rang clear in the front of the room but didn’t carry past the first row, “I just transferred here. So I need to make sure all of my professors know I am showing up to class and check to make sure I’m on the roster.” She tried not to fidget but knew she was failing. She wasn’t nervous but her hands always felt like they needed to be doing something.

The man who must be Dr. Martin took the slip from her but his hand shook as he inspected it. His voice had a slight hoarseness to it when he responded, “Miss Graves, did you say?” His eyes flickered towards her and back towards her slip.

She responded even though she knew he heard her the first time. “Yes, Emily Graves. I’m a late transfer.” She’d already had this conversation with 2 professors this week and was dreading the last one. She tried to be polite and keep her eyes on the man filling out her registrar slip but her eyes kept wandering, to the lacrosse player with a patch on his jacket nearly falling out of his seat, to the girl eating a salad from the bistro down the road, to the rain hitting the large side window. 

It wasn’t like Emily couldn’t stay focused, no, she’d almost argue it was the opposite of that. Her brain tried to grab onto so many things as they were happening that she was single handedly the most perceptive yet distracted person most people met.

She grabbed onto the realization that she’d been observing for a while and quickly looked back to the professor who’d asked her a question. What had he asked? Oh! Why’d you transfer to Cornell so late in the semester? She smiled, a bit bashfully and quickly responded, “Cornell is closer to where I grew up and I’ve always wanted to attend. I didn’t think I’d be able to afford this college or the cost of living here but I found out it was possible a couple of weeks ago. I’ve been doing everything in my power to get here since.” She smiled though she was hiding a grimace. She’d grown accustomed to gliding over the death that gave her those funds because it made interactions like these so much easier. She knew he didn’t really care anyway, but wanted to make a good impression because he’d be giving her a grade after all. 

Dr. Martin seemed shocked by her answer though she had no idea why. “Staying close to home isn’t the usual answer I get out of a college kid.” He’d finally handed her paper back and was now snatching papers out of his bag to splay out on the desk. He kept his body half turned towards her so she knew it wasn’t time for her to leave yet. “Where’d you grow up?” 

Her smile was genuine this time because she loved talking about her childhood. She adored the Finger Lakes. “I grew up in Geneva! I-uh however did not choose to stay close to home.” She faltered for a moment, hearing the lecture hall door swoosh open and shut, “The rest of my family lives in Maine.”

Dr. Martin smiled and glanced at his watch, “Well, welcome back to the Finger Lakes. I hope the semester turns out well for you.” He said, heading for the computer at the podium.

Emily could tell she had been dismissed and rushed to start back toward her seat, but not before looking for the newcomer. She found him heading down the steps of the lecture hall as she started up them.

Several things made her freeze momentarily. A tall boy with a lean build towered over her several steps above. Emily had always been one for appreciation of beauty and oh could she look at this man all day, man not boy she made the distinction in her head, no man with that body deserved to be called a boy. His clothes were fitted but not tight and she could appreciate anyone wearing an untucked button up. She’d also thought, for a brief second, that he was walking towards her but realized once she kept walking up the steps, that he was actually just grabbing a seat two rows behind her’s, one seat in from the aisle. 

Emily didn’t mean to be a creeper but she did keep her head slightly tilted in his direction as she passed in front of him, to make her way back to her seat. He had the most luscious honey blond hair that fell to his chin, the way many guys style their hair in college when there’s no one around to force them to get a haircut. On him though, it was perfection. 

She sat quickly in her seat and angled her seat towards the wall, thankful to have a swivel chair capable of turning to that side. She hadn’t gotten but a brief glimpse of his face and she needed to see more. So, she tilted her head, feigning staring off into space but actually bringing the guy enough into her peripherals that she could make out his sculpted jawline. He’d tucked one side of his hair behind his ear. A slow smile started to spread across his face, which made her actually turn her head to watch a slight dimple appear in the crook of his cheek, and then glance up. 

He was looking directly at her, smirking. She could feel embarrassment flood her system as she quickly swung back around to face the front of the lecture hall. She couldn’t blush higher than her chest, which was a blessing at the moment, but she could feel all of the unwelcome chemicals flood her blood stream. She did realize while mentally reviewing his face, that his eyes were the most unusual shade of tawny.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to be honest with you guys. I sat down to write a Jasper/Bella fic last weekend, my first fanfiction in 6 years, wrote out all my plot points and struggled to figure out how the story was going to get there. This fic wasn't like that. It was a sudden, what if it would be easier to write about characters with no expectations for each other moment. So I did, and the chapter flowed out of me in less than an afternoon.  
> That doesn't mean that it will update often, because I still have a job and work from home which seems to make me even busier than before, but I will do my best. Though, I can promise you moderately well written chapters. I have a tendency to write and rewrite chapters until I am emotionally moved by them so... I hope you are too?  
> If you decide Jasper/Bella is more of your thing head over to read my other piece Profound Encounters. I am aiming to update them at the same time whenever possible so that I don't accidentally leave one behind.  
> Let me know what you think!


	2. Lucky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay folks! Inspiration hit me for later on in the story and I couldn't let that pass, so it took me a little bit longer than expected to get this chapter done. The story is still being set but don't worry, the plot will start to ramp up! Until then get ready to feel captivated...

Jasper wasn’t late per say but he definitely did not make it an intention to show up to class early. He still preferred to keep his distance from the humans and arriving nearly as class started cut out most attempts at socialization. Most of them. He had found, however, that college kids in this day and age didn’t find anyone too weird or too intimidating to talk to, something he was actually beginning to miss from his days impersonating a high school student. He didn’t have to worry about any high schoolers trying to talk to him. 

No, instead he strode into the lecture hall just as Dr. Martin was bringing up his power point and made his way towards the stairs, avoiding the gazes of the other students. There were emotions flying all over the room, most of them jovial or annoyed like the typical college student, but none of them caught his attention like the ones directly in front of him. 

A girl walking up the stairs had stopped dead in her tracks to look at him, and once the shock of seeing him wore off the usual perpetrators filled in the gaps. Lust and admiration poured off the girl with a healthy heaping of curiosity. She wouldn’t take her eyes off of him, not even as he turned into an aisle.

He didn’t recognize the girl and from the strength of the vibes she was putting off, this had been her first time seeing him too. He guessed she was probably a late transfer. _Lucky her._

He took his usual seat in the fifth row, one seat away from the stairs. Low enough in the room he wasn’t in the socializing happy hour section but close enough to the door that he could make a run for it if needed. He seriously hoped he didn’t need it. Jasper had been accident free since Isabella Swan’s birthday and he was only counting that as a slip because he’d lunged at the poor girl. But he didn’t pay mind to that now because she was out of their hair and so was Edward’s mopy ass, for the time being. 

Once he had settled into his seat, he could still feel her eyes on him, though she tried to hide it. He watched her as she took her seat, hand reaching to fiddle with her pen, seat turning, chin tilting in his direction. She wasn’t going to give up was she? He appreciated her persistence if nothing else. She was so obvious to him even though she was trying to be sly. He felt the corners of his lips start to turn upwards. Humans had nothing on vampires.

The southern boy in him reminded himself that he should not return the favor of checking her out while she was watching. There was no need to embarrass the girl. He could feel her attention on him though, as she side-eyed him, and couldn’t stop himself from taking his own look. 

His smirk fell into place, thinking she was just like every other human girl lusting over what was bad for her, but when his eyes met hers he was struck by their childlike focus. His mind fixated on every detail of her face before she turned away. The richness in her eyes that shifted from brown to green and gray. The freckles that paved a path from one cheek the next and started up again near her collarbone, where her sleek brown hair ended in curls. The way her flush inched its way out of the neckline of her shirt and eventually reached her bowed lips.

She had turned away in embarrassment though and it swept through the air to sting Jasper. That was enough to stanch any excess venom that had begun pooling at the sight of her flush. Jasper, guilt ridden and slightly embarrassed himself, was about to push some calm in her direction when he noticed they were already mostly overtaken by curiosity and wonder.

  
  


Jasper’s eyes flicked towards the girl throughout the whole lecture. He was fascinated by the way she moved, the way she fiddled with everything from her pens to her hair and notebook. She was almost constantly moving and shifting her head to stare in every which direction but never failed to keep notes. He studied her long brown hair and momentarily wondered if it was as soft as it looked. He could make out every tiny baby hair on the top of her head and when she reached to twirl her hair he realized they were from how she started from the top and worked her way down. 

By the end of class Jasper was sure that he’d lost it. He’d never paid so much attention to one individual human in his existence, yet his eyes kept drawing back to her and he was constantly distracted by her emotions. It was particularly thrilling when she would turn her head to the side, he was always convinced she would turn to stare at him but caught her looking at another student or out the window. Everything her attention settled on would strike such a pure emotional reaction in her that Jasper couldn’t draw himself away. He was almost upset with himself for being disappointed that it had nothing to do with him, like it had at the start of class.

It wasn’t like he was touch starved. He and Alice hadn’t had a very frequent physical relationship anyways, but her abandonment struck a chord with him that hurt. She had been the one to pull him out of his torment and show him there was another way. A way that would let him begin to live again. She had been the one that pushed him to strengthen his restraint and consoled him when he slipped. Without her there, Jasper had spent months feeling like there was a black hole waiting to suck him in. Ever since she had left though he lacked that connection with someone. He didn’t have that level of connection with anyone else.

Carlisle had warned him to keep moving, keep up with the college facade he had started because that would be the only thing that would keep him from slipping away. He told Jasper that he had seen what happens to vampires who get sucked into their mind and only move to feed. Jasper didn’t want to be a living corpse. He had survived and escaped the Southern Vampire Wars and there had to be more to life than dodging the next disaster. He had to find a new reason to live, so he kept up the college student facade. Though it was less of a facade now that he actually tried to wean something off of his classes. Emmett thought it was ridiculous but Jasper was actually hoping that his philosophy classes could help him find a new meaning to his eternal life.

Emily took her time leaving class. There were so many people around her and it was still raining. She’d rather not whack people trying to open her umbrella. She was still antsy to get going though. She watched the other students pile out of the classroom, scanning the crowd and hoping to get a last glimpse of the blonde man but he had already gone.

Jasper on the other hand, had rushed out of the class. Only controlling himself enough not to run at full speed. He was convinced he was going insane. His mind was finding anything to cling to and for the sake of that human girl he needed to find something else. 

He picked up his phone, ready to dial a number he didn’t call very frequently, but had thought about nearly every week for the last year, when a text message appeared from that same person.

Peter

_Not now Major_

Jasper was stunned. He would forever be convinced that a part of Peter was psychic but Peter didn’t like the idea of having an ability let alone that ability being linked to Alice, so Jasper always called it a hunch. Now though, Peter’s hunch left Jasper hurt and confused. Not now meaning Peter knew he was going to ask about visiting or not now as in he would call Jasper back? 

Instead of dwelling, because he was tired of that already today, he decided to send a message back even though texting wasn’t his thing. 

_Now is not the time for your cryptic shit Peter. Call me back._

Jasper looped back through the building and exited into the quad, he’d wandered down the various hallways in the building when he’d realized there was so much time left between his first class and his next. He thought about making another loop but was at the point mentally where he should probably unpack what happened earlier. So, he headed through the sprinkling rain, towards his next class instead. 

Emily was drenched and she had a very good feeling that she was currently the embodiment of a drowned rat after being caught in the torrential downpour. She shook out what was left of her umbrella and made her way down the hall, where her next class was supposed to be. She triple checked the room number on her phone before walking through the door to a significantly smaller classroom than the last. 

Her eyes darted from the slick floor, to the still empty desk a professor was supposed to inhabit, to each and every face in the room until her eyes fell upon a familiar one.

She felt like a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders as she strode over to a girl she had talked to in her class on Monday. She smiled and greeted the girl whose eyes were still glued to her phone. “Hey, Marissa!”

Marissa glanced up and did a double take when she saw Emily. There was pity in her voice when she said, “Crap, girl! What happened to you?” 

Emily glanced outside through the one small window in the classroom but it looked like the rain had lightened up. _Of course it had._ But she smiled at Marissa anyways, “Shitty timing with the rain I guess. Does anyone usually sit here?” She gestured to Marissa’s right where there was an empty desk and seat, hoping beyond hope she wouldn’t be alone in this lecture. 

Luck was on her side this time because Marissa responded with a shrug. “Eh, nobody really sits in the same place in this class.” Her voice twisted like the knot in her headwrap and she muttered, “It’s really starting to annoy the crap out of me to be honest.”

While taking the seat beside Marissa, Emily inspected the girl. Not in a mean way or a weird one, but she really wanted to know if the girl was as much of a creature of habit as Emily thought she was. Emily was beginning to think she was right though because Marissa had the same kind of smoothie and sat in approximately the same part of the room as the last class they had had together. 

Emily tuned in while Marissa started talking about her other classes but let her eyes wander. The room was so bleak with its white walls and brown floor. The one small window probably didn’t let in enough natural light on a good day and Emily thought she saw a water droplet run down its seam. Her eyes shifted to the students sitting closest to it, taking in their hunched postures and lazy voices. There was so much inactivity in here Emily thought it would put her to sleep. So her eyes turned to the doorway instead, waiting for the professor to get there.

Jasper strode down the hall and his thoughts turned towards the girl in his last class. He didn’t even have a name for her, as pathetic as he was. He hadn’t even snooped for it. 

He was running his hand through his hair, berating himself for losing his touch and losing his mind, when he entered the classroom and immediately locked eyes with that same girl. At least he was pretty sure it was that same girl. Her eyes rang with familiarity the way her soaked hair and clothing rang with bad luck. She must have gotten caught in the downpour he’d missed.

Neither of them blinked and Emily felt a flush creep back up her chest. Did he have to stare at her so intensely? She couldn’t even imagine what he was thinking. Sure, she'd thoroughly checked him out in the last class but the way he was looking at her made her feel exposed.

Sensing the professor trying to get into the room Jasper moved from the doorway, shifted his gaze, and made his way to a desk kiddy corner to her own. He was thrilled and dreading being in the same class all at the same time. However, there was no way he was going to unpack whatever was going on in his head with her sitting one row and desk over. 

Her emotions were just as pure and strong as before. Her impatience seeped through her curiosity and Jasper immediately began searching for the focus of her gaze. Her head was turned in his direction now but her eyes flicked between the window and Professor Norton who was unpacking her things in the front of the room.

Jasper watched as she shuffled some papers around in her folder and produced a pink registrar's slip. He was so focused on the slow gait of her walk and the way she fiddled with the hem of her shirt that she almost missed when the professor said “Welcome to class, Emily.”

Jasper let himself turn the name over in his head for a second before turning his attention back to the girl in question. _Emily_.

Emily turned around to head back to her desk and felt the man’s eyes on her once again. She wasn’t sure how she felt about the way he was watching her but she saw a small smile sitting on his face and her eyes crept across his cheek hoping to see a dimple. 

She was already mindful of the puddle she would have to walk through to get back to her seat but was unprepared for just how slick the floor was. When her shoe plunked into the puddle a squeal followed immediately afterwards.

Jasper nearly lept out of his seat when he saw Emily slip and catch herself on the desk next to her, his fear of exposing himself and the rest of his family the only thing gluing him to his seat. Panic had flooded him and consequently, the rest of the room. After glancing over her to check that she was ok, he let calm radiate outwards in hopes that it would stop the gawking, frozen looks of the rest of the class.

Emily watched as the panicked looks of her classmates relaxed and let her own shoulders sag. It wouldn’t do anything good to nearly die in her classroom on her first day of class. 

Marissa kept giving Emily a wide eyed look though and she slowly squeaked, “You ok?”

Emily was thankful that Marissa was the only one to ask and breathed out, “Yeah,” as she sat back down in her seat. She was also grateful that Marissa had taken a liking to her and was more than happy to chat with her about the upcoming events on campus as they waited for class to begin. 

Jasper longed for higher level courses where he could learn something new or feel moderately challenged, he’d gone through college several times since joining the Cullens and a vampire brain doesn’t forget anything. General education requirements were the current bane of his existence.This is why he was mostly ok with turning his attention over to Emily for the length of the class. _Mostly_. He still felt wary over the hold the girl seemed to have over him. 

As the class progressed he found himself entertained by the way she was so easily captivated by things, she was able to turn her attention over to so many things. He felt the way she was in awe over Marissa’s doodles, the enjoyment of using a new color pen, the misery she felt when she’d see the rain had picked up again, and the thrill she felt when she would catch him looking. Even when he wasn’t looking at her, he sat wrapped in her emotions. He sat with her through it all.

He imagined what it would be like for someone to give him that level of attention. Eventually he wondered what it would be like for Emily to give him all of her attention. If he was being honest, his daydreams would all be chaperone approved. He simply wanted her to look at him with her intense focus and not want to look away. He knew he didn’t want to look away already. He did however, usually keeping his head turned down towards his paper, but his attention was always turned towards her.

Emily was positive this class would be a piece of cake, or it would be if she could keep at least half of her attention on the lecture. She could deal with her normal distractions but this hot guy behind her required a new level of focus. If she even so much as glanced in his direction it was like the rest of the room didn’t exist, and it was reeking havoc on her notes. So she did what she could and kept her gaze straight ahead, which actually meant anywhere but in that guy’s direction. When Professor Norton would start dragging an explanation out however, her attention would wane and eventually take her eyes with it. 

Emily could very plainly admit that she had the hots for this guy. He was a half a head taller than her and every inch of him was handsome. But once she had that thought she began to wonder if _every_ inch of him was handsome… her thoughts were not the most pure in those moments. So she would look back to catch a glimpse and a shot of something that felt like champagne would ignite in her stomach. She loved to catch him looking.

As much fun as that was though, Emily knew she wouldn’t do anything about it. She had a job, she had classes, and she was just settling back into the area. She hadn’t had a healthy relationship in years. She didn’t need a guy at this point in her life and she knew it. That didn’t mean she didn’t long for it though.

Occasionally, Jasper’s own thoughts would snatch him away from his fascination. He remembered the way he had berated Edward for becoming so infatuated with a human, how irresponsible he said it was. He remembered how he was so convinced Edwards was putting the human and the family in danger. He would remember how he was left by his wife of forty years and wondered if he really deserved a relationship at all, with anyone. He thought about how fragile humans were. He convinced himself once again that he needed to find something else to preoccupy himself, for the human’s sake, for _Emily’s_ sake.

  
Then Emily would sneak a glance back at him through the corner of her eye, and he’d be sucked back in. He was going to be stuck in this class all semester, at war with himself for the sake of this human. This human who reminded Jasper how wide a variety of emotions there actually were. This human that was so easily captivated by the world around her. This human that, when he was already absorbed in her every move, would catch him looking and smile. He would have weeks to imagine her being captivated by him and imagine giving that kind of attention back to her. _Lucky him._


	3. Decisive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emmett unknowingly corners Jasper into a decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally supposed to be the opening scene to the next chapter but I felt it could stand on it's own. Get ready for the fun to begin! I know I have been really bad about this part but I ~do not~ own Twilight, the closest thing I have is some collectors edition dolls that are tucked away in my parent's attic until some point in the future when they become ~valuable~.

It continued like that for the next two weeks of classes, Emily turning her face occasionally to glimpse Jasper’s honey blonde hair out of the corner of her eye and fantasizing about running her fingers through it. Jasper, watching her fiddle from afar and reading her emotions like a near druggy. Until one day, when Jasper was in a particularly bad mood. 

Rosalie and Emmett had been home for almost two months and for some reason or another had made it their business to know Jasper’s business. They hounded him about making the most of his existence, constantly bringing up Alice even if it was just to say not to let her hold him back. Today however, Emmett had touched a nerve. 

“Are you still going to classes?” Emmett looked at Jasper as he set his messenger bag down by the front door. It was still too early to leave but he was ready to just get it over with. Emmett’s face screwed up into a look that alerted everyone who was not Jasper to just how confused he was, “I thought you said you needed to drop out?”

Jasper had been debating with himself for weeks. He knew he shouldn’t pay too much mind to the human girl in his classes. It was her life he was going to be messing with and he didn’t want to screw up  _ Emily _ ’s life the way he was sure Edward had screwed up Bella’s. He cringed thinking about how much trouble they would be in with the Volturi if they ever found out. He just had to trust that Bella would never become bitter enough to out herself or them.

Jasper shrugged noncommittally, he had vaguely explained the situation to his family but he didn’t think they realized just how intense the emotions Jasper was feeling. He wanted to be around her all of the time and listen to everything she has to say. He was becoming a danger to her but he was selfish enough to maintain just enough distance not to let her know how much of a danger he really was. He’d just watch her from afar, like a snake. Instead he went with the explanation that made sense, the reason he had continued school once Alice left, “Carlisle said this would be good for me and I agree with him. Being closer to humans and examining the morals and ethics of these times are meant to help me adjust and fit into modern society in some manner more than a  _ high schooler _ .” 

He wasn’t trying to insult Emmett or Rosalie who both enjoyed some parts of pretending to be that young but they looked slightly hurt anyways. Rosalie sneered and left for her garage. 

Jasper could practically hear the gears in Emmett’s brain turning. It wasn’t often Emmett thought about what he said before he said it, so he must have felt it was important but knew it would bother Jasper. Emmett only turned his head to face Jasper who was still standing behind the couch he was sitting on. He looked wary. “Jaz, when was the last time you made a decision for yourself?” He looked far away but quickly snapped back and blurted, “I mean we all have been fairly dependent on Alice these last fifty years. She was the guiding hand in basically everything we did so I’m not just putting that on you but even now that she’s gone you’re still following what other people say.” Emmett’s nerves screamed with worry over alienating his brother but he knew he was right. “I would even guess that you’ve been letting her call the shots since she picked you up in that dinner. Not that anyone would blame you, Jaz. You had a hard fucking existence before that.”

Jasper was irate.  _ When was the last time he had made a decision for himself? _ Who’s  _ fucking _ side was Emmett on anyways? Wasn’t family supposed to be supportive? Wasn’t he supposed to be his back-up? 

He knew his brother cared but it was the next damn thing that came out of Emmett’s mouth that really set Jasper off. Emmett’s face had relaxed and his worry had relaxed seeing no immediate reaction from Jasper so he jokingly said, “I mean, aren’t you supposed to be some major strategist and war veteran? You’ve nearly let the other side take over your map!”

Jasper had nearly thrown Emmett through a wall for that one. He only stopped to drag Emmett through the door first because Esme had spent a significant amount of money and time installing the new built in shelves that encompassed the living room.

Then, he hauled Emmett’s massive frame over his shoulder and threw him clear across the clearing in front of their house. Emmett hit a large pine with a thunk and was grinning before he hit the ground. Jasper swore his brother antagonized him because it made wrestling more fun. He wouldn’t have his fun today.

Emmett shouted after him as he stalked away. “Come on Jaz!” He threw his hands up in the air as Jasper grabbed his messenger bag from the foyer and headed towards his bike. Emmett didn’t shut up but Jasper ignored him as he donned his useless helmet. Emmett was just shouting “I love you but you have to figure out what you want!” when Jasper sped down the driveway. 

What Emmett had said bounced around Jasper's head as he made his way into the city and towards Cornell’s campus.

_ Hadn’t made his own decisions since Alice had picked him up at that diner.  _

_ Bull fucking shit. _

Emmett had basically called him spineless. He had been a major in the army. He had commanded troops in the Civil War and the Southern Vampire Wars. He could make his own goddamn decisions. He was still living with the Cullens for  _ his own _ sake. Sure Peter had told him to stay put because visiting wasn’t a good idea but Jasper could have up and left the Cullens. He chose to stay because they were his  _ family _ .

His family had done a great job at pissing him off. He was resolute. He’d make his own damn decisions today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 4 should also be posted tonight so don't go anywhere too quick!


	4. Consumed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jasper finally goes for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter continues a few hours after the last chapter ends. Jasper and Emily attend their second class of the day and the author begins to realize how much she has avoided dialogue! I don't own Twilight, the mush below this note however is my underdeveloped brainchild. Be kind to her, I am hoping she will grow big and strong.

Emily rolled her neck as she walked down the hallway, toward her second class of the day. She’d stayed up a majority of the night making sure her comparative prose was _spotless_. She deserved a 4.0 on this one, not a 3.5 like the other ones she had turned in. However, staying up late had caused her to toss and turn when she had finally gotten into bed. Why did she do this to herself? She’d probably ended up with twice as many drowsy spelling mistakes, which would bring her grade down anyways. She put her head in her hands and ran her fingers through her hair. She needed something to go her way today. Beyond that, Jasper had been looking at her weird in their first class with Dr. Martin. 

_Jasper_. She had learned his name her second week when he’d been called on in discussion. Normally just his name was enough to give her goosebumps but today it was his look. He looked determined and she didn’t know what for. Though, she wouldn’t have known under any normal circumstance anyways, she’d never had the guts to speak to him like the other girls. 

He nearly had a fanclub, not that he paid them much mind. He would make polite conversation with them while they hovered around his desk but never inquired about any of his admirers’ lives. He was almost cold the way he sat up straight while they surrounded him. Emily didn’t mean to stare, usually, but her eyes just kept getting drawn back to him. They had kept their same seats for weeks, even in the class Marissa said annoyed her because no one sat in the same spot. Jasper was just far enough into Emily’s peripherals that he didn’t consume her every waking thought but just close enough for her to sneak a peak when tempted and listen in on his detached conversations. 

He worried her. She couldn’t put her finger on it but something about his unsociable behavior and the way that people fawned over him just didn’t seem right. Sometimes he looked lost, even though he was one of the most quick witted participants in class discussions. She would almost say he was unhappy, except every once and a while he would catch him smiling at her. Not a big smile, just enough to highlight his dimple. 

As if he knew she was thinking about him, she saw his eyes flick in her direction as she took her seat in Dr. Nortons class, he had beaten her to class ever since the first day. His eyebrows were scrunched together and she shot him a hesitant smile. He was really making her worry today. 

She didn’t have a nurturing instinct or anything, in fact she would fight anyone who told her she did but she found herself thinking about the way he acts towards other people, not really connecting. It was none of her business of course but she felt compelled to know more about him and, without having the guts to talk to him, her mind was left to fill in the gaps of information. 

Worry rolled off of Emily like fog on water today. When Jasper had first sensed this, the week following her arrival, he had been sure there should be fear to accompany the worry. Somehow she had found out, she had experience with vampires, or he was putting off a brooding vibe strong enough to freak her out but that hadn’t been the case. By their second class, he noticed that she worried the most when other people spoke to him and it would spike randomly throughout class, usually when looking at him, even if he were to smile in her direction. He had convinced himself that he was full of shit by the end of that week. There was no way she knew and every other emotion that rolled off of her sung to him. She was immensely attracted to him, he smirked just thinking about it, and her curiosity floated around her like a constant cloud. She was a human that was full of such pure emotion and Jasper felt honored that she focused so much of it on a guy she had never formally met, _on him_. 

It was almost too easy for Jasper to forget what Emmett had said and to just be content sitting near her. If Jasper turned his attention and focused solely on the remarkable being in front of him, he could almost forget how angry he had been on the drive over. Almost.

Jasper had thought about this for weeks. Not about how his every decision was based on Alice’s visions because this alone proved they weren’t, but about how he needed something more in his existence. His time in the Southern Army had been figurative and literal hell. His time with Alice had apparently been some sort of joke. There was no way he could abandon his family, but with the structure of their coven he ended up alone more times than not. He knew for a fact that humans depended on connection and he was convinced that there was enough influence left over from being human he did too. What more proof did he need than the fact that he constantly reached out to others while going through the turmoil caused by his wife leaving him? He had sought out Carlisle for advice on where to take his existence from there and Peter had always been his back up when he needed it. It hurt him now to think about how Peter had been avoiding him. He never got more than a text back from him telling him to keep “forging his own path.” It had wounded him to be called out so bluntly by Emmett who he called a brother. 

Well today he was going to forge his own damn path. 

Emily had grabbed Jasper’s attention in a way no human had before, he was pretty sure no vampire had either. Would he even have approached Alice in that diner if she hadn’t come to talk to him? He didn’t want to be obsessed with her the way it was clear Edward had been obsessed with Bella but how could Jasper deny the fact that he was drawn to Emily? He just wanted to know more about her. That’s what he told himself and that’s what helped him make the decision he had been warring with since he got on campus that day. 

Emily was packing up her papers and shoving her flair pens into a side pocket when she heard a deep sigh from his desk. Her attention itched to focus on where the noise had come from but she made herself look at Marissa, focusing on how her light wash jean jacket popped against her dark skin and made the beads in her necklaces and bracelets stand out. She cleared her throat, “So I was thinking we could grab something from the Dairy Bar and walk somewhere downtown? It’s supposed to get cold quick and I’d hate to…” She trailed off as she noticed the look on Marissa's face. 

Marissa was staring, eyebrows slightly raised over Emily’s shoulder. It wasn’t like her friend to give two shits about what was happening outside of their immediate vicinity. Not surprising, this sparked Emily’s curiosity and made her turn around. 

Standing now, just to her side was Jasper. His blond hair ruffled and blue collar slightly askew. She tipped her head back to look at his face, Emily was stunned by his beauty. This could have made for an awkward situation, she knew it was rude to stare and she should say something, but she was saved by Marissa. Who, grinning because she knew had heard all about Emily’s captivation with the blonde man, quickly said “I’ll text you later, Em” and peaced out just the way a best friend would. Emily would later thank her with a smoothie and croissant from the cafe. 

Up close, Jasper realized she smelled like the sweetest strawberries of summer and a bit like the lilac bush in his front yard. He also realized that he hadn’t prepared what to say once he had reached her. 

Jasper let himself smile as she shifted to face him. In order for this to work, he would have to appear open and friendly, human. He cleared his throat, an action he had picked up on quite a few college guys doing, and softly said “Hello, I don’t believe we’ve officially met.” He held out his hand to her, an action that felt so foreign, but he tried to act as though he was of this century and restrained himself from lifting her hand to his mouth. It was safer this way. 

Emily nearly swooned. His hand was like ice as she placed her hand in his but it was smooth like his voice when he said, “My name is Jasper Hale.” She took her time letting go.

She forced her mouth to work and was able to stutter out “H-hi! I’m Emily.” She swallowed realizing she hadn’t been able to look away from his stunning eyes, “Emily Graves.” What luck had pressed this conversation upon her? 

Jasper didn’t have to force his smile, it came easy now. He soaked in her awe and focus. He wrapped himself in her feelings and let them propel him forward. 

Emily didn’t see her professor pack up, she didn’t hear the door shut, she didn’t feel her phone buzz in her pocket. She let herself be consumed by his hazelnut eyes. She stood there utterly captivated as he spoke to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part of my feels like I am giving a lot of filler but the other part of me wants a throughly developed story. My favorite kinds of stories are the ones where the author makes me feel like I am falling in love again, not telling me that the characters are in love. Jasper and Emily aren't there yet but we all know where this is heading.


	5. Awkward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jasper is not the lady's man he thought he was.

Emily couldn’t believe Jasper had asked her to take a walk. She had offered to go to the Dairy Bar, she was minorly obsessed with ice cream, but when he said he was lactose intolerant she decided that  _ gorg _ ing herself probably wouldn’t be the most attractive thing. So there they were, walking their way towards Ithaca’s botanical gardens. 

Emily and Jasper were surrounded by trees on both sides. It was almost possible for her to pretend she was in a forest. Almost. She could feel the cars driving on the nearby road and was thankful for the guardrail to her right. She let her eyes catch on every fallen leaf, inspecting the ground for any that were particularly crunchy, and reveling in the sound they made when she stepped on one. 

Jasper was amazed by the way that everything caught Emily’s eye. The squirrels making chase had her attention until a man on a bike sped past them. He had her attention for a while until their path became broken by tree roots and she hopped over them. She even went out of her way to step on particularly dry leaves. 

He had heard so many of her conversations over the last few weeks but didn’t feel like he knew her. She had showed up so late in the semester yet he had never heard her say why. When he noticed she was growing uncomfortable in the silence, as most humans did, he decided now was a good time as any to ask. He cleared his throat to prepare her, glancing her way as she tiptoed around puddles left over from the morning’s rain. “So, Emily, What brought you to Ithaca so late in the semester?” Jasper had thought that was an easy conversation to start off with but didn’t miss her reaction. 

Emily went through a momentary sense of panic before a calm swooshed over her body. She had spent a lot of time avoiding the cause of her presence here, the wounds still too fresh but a concerned look from Jasper made her consider what harm the truth could do. Then again, she didn’t really know him at all. 

“My apologies,” he said quickly. “I didn’t mean to pry.”

The deep sincerity in his voice gave her heart a quick pause, and foolishly led her past any resolve she had in the matter. She grew flustered, “Oh! No, it’s fine!” She started, it wasn’t really fine, she wasn’t really fine. “It’s just difficult for me to talk about.” She placated. Emily avoided his eyes in fear of being tempted to say more. She was not going to tell this man all of her woes. She refused.

This wasn’t very surprising to Jasper, he couldn’t remember it ever coming up in conversations that she had. He still needed this conversation to go somewhere though. He decided to try another tactic. “I hope you don’t think me foolish.” He started but she still wasn’t looking at him. “I ought to tell you a bit about myself first.” He said without thinking. Oh this ought to be good, Emmett would surely throw him into the nearest gorge for whatever idiocy was about to fall out of his mouth. 

So he began spinning his tale, but it wasn’t really a tale. He found that as he told the human about himself he was being truthful, just omitting any immortal vampire parts. “This is my second year at Cornell. I am a commuter, I don’t live on campus and from what I have heard about the showers I am glad I don’t.” He added, hoping to lighten the mood.

Emily met his gaze with a small smile, happy to be out of the spot light for a short while. She asked “Where do you live then? Are you from around here?”

Jasper gave her a small smile back as they moved to cross the road, heading towards the botanical gardens. They were suddenly surrounded by noise and people. Freshly landscaped lawns and newly planted flowers in purple and orange greeted them as they passed the entrance to Beebee hall. The area was heavy with the scent of fresh rain, the plants still clinging to every droplet.

“Well, no.” He began as they made their way into the gardens, “My family moved to Ithaca last year after my father acquired a job at Cayuga Medical Center. My sister Rosalie and I enrolled here. She decided to take this year off, so it’s just me on campus for now.”

Emily was staring at him with that way of her’s again. Even without her eyes on the path she never faltered, feet missing every skewed stone and root. Her eyes left his to take a swig from her water bottle. She spoke, salty but not too bitterly, “It sounds like you guys were let right in, your dad’s some big shot at the hospital huh?” She looked to Jasper for confirmation before continuing. “Not that I don’t think it’s great that you are here,” because she did thoroughly that, “but I would never make the decision that your sister did. I worked my ass off to get here and just barely made it. I wouldn’t let this go for anything.”

Emily and Jasper made their way up wood and dirt steps to a series of outlooks with areas to rest. Upon seeing the benches Jasper had the realization that Emily was probably feeling fatigued and that could be enhancing her irritation. Jasper had been irritated this morning but it hadn’t been his intention to lead her out here to do the same to her. He was supposed to be wooing her. He didn't think he was doing a very good job at it. So he decided to give a little more.

“You’re right, my sister didn’t work her--” he paused, contemplating swearing in front of a lady before resigning himself to quoting her “-- ass off. We were both excellent students but truth be told,” He looked at Emily as they took a seat on one of the white wooden benches. “Carlisle, my father, got us our spots.” Jasper leaned in conspiratorially and lowered his voice for affect. He tried his hardest not to think about how close her jugular was, he had done so well on the walk there not having thought about her blood once. “Don’t tell anyone I said this but I think he has ties to one of the secret societies on campus.” Jasper was disappointed in himself for going for the easy bait. The humans loved to gossip about the secret societies, even though one of them annually posted their membership list. 

Emily’s eyes lit up, she’d hardly heard anyone talk about the societies, it was almost like it was a taboo subject, but Jasper had talked about it casually. He wasn’t much like the other students. Maybe that was what had drawn her to him from the start? She gave a small grin, not giving a shit that they had bought their way in, and leaned the slightest bit closer before asking “Wouldn’t that make you a legacy?” She looked up at him through her lashes, hoping to heck she looked as attractive as she was trying to be. She could tell he was holding his breath, she got goosebumps from this major flirting and continued, “Are you trying to tell me something Jasper?”

Jasper didn’t know if he was going to snap and kill her or snap and kiss her but he had to get farther away from her. He quickly stood up and walked away from the bench towards an overlook, chuckling like what he had done was normal. He was so going to fuck this up.

Emily felt like she had been drenched in cold water. One second she had been masterfully flirting with this guy, practically begging him with her eyes to kiss her and the next he is far fucking away from her. Had she had this thing all wrong? How could she mistake any of his cues? Had she become so fucking consumed by his presence that she was imagining he was giving her the cues she wanted?

She wanted to cry, she wanted to stamp her foot, but she held it in. She was getting better at that. She was thankful when he started talking again.

Jasper was completely wrecking any chances he had and he felt it. He didn’t know what he wanted out of this. A relationship with a human girl? To spite his family? He didn’t know but hurting her hadn’t been a part of the plan. He tried his best to continue lightheartedly, like that hadn’t just happened, “I haven’t been summoned but Rosalie’s husband Emmett is certainly rooting for me.” How much of himself would he show her?

He felt her hesitant interest and surged on. Well, he’s technically my foster brother, our family is complicated but that’s why Rose isn’t here this year. They have been too busy… celebrating their marriage.”   
  


Jasper looked uncomfortable and that was enough for Emily to catch on to what he was getting at. She wasn’t quite settled down yet but she thought she’d give him a limb. Was this considered desperate? She lightened her voice for an “Oh,” and continued with, “Well congratulations to her then. I guess I judged too quickly.” Family was a noble reason to leave in Emily’s eyes. She’d give anything to have something that stable. 

What could Jasper do to get her warmed up to him again? He really needed to practice being human more. He decided on the one thing that seemed unbelievable from any rational standing point, “Like I said, my family is complicated.” He readied himself, “We actually moved here because one of my brothers broke up with his girlfriend.”

Emily cracked. A short “Ha!” escaped from somewhere inside her and she felt herself slipping back into something normal. She gave Jasper an incredulous look. “Are you kidding me? How old is he?”

Jasper felt something akin to relief, “No, I’m not kidding you. He’s supposed to be a senior in high school right now but he took off shortly after we settled down in Ithaca. We moved across the country because my brother had to get away from his girlfriend and he isn’t even here to reap his rewards.”

Jasper and Emily discussed what he thought of his brother at length. As much as it felt like a therapy session, she also felt like maybe her life wasn’t as fucked up as she thought. That, and she enjoyed hearing Jasper talk about himself. 

As they continued their way through the gardens she told him about growing up in Geneva. How she loved taking boats out on the lake and how her family made it a point every summer to watch the races at Watkins Glen. How her mom knew the perfect ice cream stand to hit up on their way home. It was nice to talk about her mom, without having to talk about dwell on her not being around. 

Jasper sensed a twinge of sadness when Emily spoke about her family. He could only assume that was the reason she was here. He wondered when she would tell him about it.

Instead, he led them back down the stairs towards the main building. They passed numerous plants that were stretching themselves into the walkway, urging them closer together. Jasper continued on a thought that had been there since they first arrived at the gardens. “My mom works as an interior designer, she’s very creative and is very enthusiastic about it, but I think she has a secret love of landscaping too. I don’t know if she has ever been down here but I have a feeling she would never leave.” Jasper’s gaze wandered the textured grounds but was drawn back when Emily started to speak. 

“Oh I know!” Emily said, getting an idea. She hated making bad jokes but the way someone reacted to a pun could tell you a lot about them, and he had set it up so well. She smiled to herself before saying, “Ithaca is gorges.”

She flicked her eyes quickly to the side to scope out any reaction. His face was still for a long second before his mouth popped slightly open and he stopped walking.

Jasper’s highly functional vampire brain took a moment to latch onto the fact that she had just gone there, and he hated to say it but it had been the tinge of mischievousness that had clued him in. He barked out a short laugh and gave her a look. “What gift shop did you nab that saying from?”

Emily blew air out of her mouth, relieved that her pun was well received and that he actually caught it. Her outlook on Mr. Jasper Hale just kept getting better. “No gift shop! I swear! It’s just something people from the area say.” She grinned. “Why not use such a masterful pun?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the delay! Tackling 2 fanfics, working from home, and trying to stay present with everything that is going on is a lot to handle! Just a couple of more weeks until I have a lot more time on my hands!  
> You can also thank my friend for that pun there at the end! Apparently, the fic cannot be officially set in Ithaca if I do not make that pun!  
> *I do not own Twilight, in case that wasn't obvious*


	6. Worry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emily and Jasper both struggle with their own worries.

By the time Thursday rolled around, Emily was nervous to see Jasper again. Marissa had been chomping at the bit to hear every detail Emily could remember about their walk. Emily had reviewed the walk again and again until she had decided the only way she’d know Jasper’s motivation was to see how their next class together went. Now, it was time to get ready for that class.

Marissa  
Libe in 10?

Emily  
Sounds good

Emily had agreed to meet Marissa at the Libe Cafe a half an hour before their first class of the day to grab a smoothie, or in Emily’s case coffee. They tended to do this when they wouldn’t be able to make lunch or dinner that day. This left Emily scrambling to assemble her bag and braid her hair. She’d put off getting ready in favor of finishing an episode of house hunters, and her roommate Corey was watching her hustle with an amused expression.

Irked but not perturbed, she grabbed her flannel and made her way to the door calling back, “Don’t forget we have a house dinner at 5,” before leaving her roommate to her utterly classless day.

Making her way towards the Libe slope, Emily’s attention bounced between rustling trees and the occasional grey squirrel gathering food. The weather was getting chillier and Emily wondered if they’d see snow before Halloween. The holiday was only a couple of weeks away and Emily could very clearly remember one year, growing up, when she’d had to fit her halloween costume over her snowsuit. She’d looked more like the stay puft marshmallow man than a zombie bride that year.

Pulling her flannel closer around her and ducking her head, Emily crossed the road under a darkening sky and started up the slope. Walking up hill to campus hadn’t been on the top of Emily’s wish list but with the late transfer she would take what she could get. She was grateful they still had housing left, even if it was the type of housing meant to foster community. She had a roof over her head that she could afford for now.

Her attention shifted towards the greying clouds and a few remaining students who looked like they were about to start running at the first signs of rain. She hoped to at least make it to the library before the skies opened up. Emily let her head hang back a bit while she watched the racing clouds overhead, imagining she could see the cold front pushing them along. 

As she was in the middle of imagining the sky as a large canvas of Microsoft Paint, the temperature dropped and Emily realized she had paused in the middle of the walkway. She was finally alone on the slope, the rest of the students having made haste towards the buildings. 

There was a part of Emily that twinged in fear. It wasn’t natural to be in the middle of a city with no one to be seen around you. A prickle on her neck warned her she may not be as alone as she thought. Her hands clenched around her backpack straps as she tried to convince herself there was nothing to be scared of. Not on that slope. Not in the middle of her campus. Those thoughts didn’t last for long. 

Starting up the slope again, Emily was smacked with a sharp gust of wind, her hair blown away from her face. It only stunned her for a moment before she quickened her pace. The storm had to be coming. That was the most logical explanation.

The next gust came from the side and blinded her with hair, the force of it hurting her ear. She reminded herself through the throbbing that her mind would play on her fears. It would try to convince her there had to be something, someone, out there. 

With the next gust, Emily felt a hard tug at her hair. She stumbled forward. One foot underneath her and a grazed palm, she caught herself. Emily clutched her head, finally thinking about the answers she still didn’t have. Remembering her mom laying bloody in the backyard. She dashed up the hill.

-

Marissa made it easy to forget unpleasant things. She was a force to be reckoned with and had her own agenda, at all times. By the time they had left the cafe with their drinks in hand, Emily’s mind was on a much more rational worry. 

Emily was sure Marissa had asked about the walk Emily had taken with Jasper 60+ times since she had texted her Tuesday evening. It felt amazing to know her friend was so invested in her but come on this was getting a little tiring.

A huff came from Marissa’s mouth as she turned to walk backwards in front of Emily, a feat suitable for the future teacher, though Emily couldn’t tell if she was practicing or showing off. Marissa’s feet expertly dodged pinecones that littered the path and her pace never faltered. “Okay so, you said he basically ran away when you got close to him.” Marissa’s hands were flying, if others weren’t careful they’d end up backhanded while passing. “So were you explicitly going in for a kiss, like leaning in and looking at his lips and all that,” Marissa flipped her hair over her shoulder, her headwrap gone in favor of braids as the temperatures dropped, “or were you doing one of those cutesy looks that says ‘you know you want to kiss me?’” She tilted her chin down and fluttered her eyelashes, showing Emily what she meant. 

Emily chuckled, “Closer to the second one.” She hitched her backpack higher on her shoulders, securely holding the straps in front of her. “I was just flirting. I didn’t expect to get a kiss out of it!” She bit her lip, she wouldn’t have minded a kiss.

Marissa shook her head, her braids swinging wildly. She looked like she was about to call him crazy again but when she spoke she sounded unsure, “Maybe you scared him?” Marissa turned back around as they neared the steps to the hall where Emily’s first class with Jasper class was held. “I mean he's hot but not every hot guy is going to throw themselves at women, right?”

Emily shrugged noncommittally noting how the breeze only blew lightly now, “I thought I was doing well. I’m not sure what there was to be scared of but I guess I could be seeing what I want to see. It’d kind of suck for it to just end though. I enjoyed talking to him,” she side eyed Marissa, “and flirting.” They grinned.

Marissa perked up and she turned to walk to her own class, “Well I say flirt until he gives you a reason to stop. You’re a catch, girl, there’s no way that was intended to be a one time thing.” 

As Emily parted ways with Marissa, she contemplated what the other girl had said. Could she have scared him off? He was so confident when he spoke but didn’t seem to care about the girls throwing themselves at him. Why had he asked her to go for a walk? It was probably the first sociable thing she had seen him do, not that she usually saw him anywhere other than in class. 

Emily looked at all of the other students around her as she made her way to the large lecture hall. Most of them walked alone or in pairs. Several of them had their phones out and none of them were looking around like she was. It felt so different from the small rural college she had spent her last year in. She felt lonelier despite being surrounded by more people.

Was she lucky to have found Marissa her first day? What if she hadn’t? She looked at students propped up on benches and sofas as she passed. How lonely could this place be without knowing other people? If she didn’t have Marissa, her roommate Corey, or the friends they hung out with, what would she even be doing other than working? 

Emily was good at stressing herself out. She worried more about Jasper now. Maybe she had scared him with how close she got. With how little she saw him talk to other people, he probably wasn’t used to social interaction and possibly any other interaction. What if he just needed a friend and he’d been appalled by the way she tried to make a move on him? She hoped that wasn’t the case. She hadn’t even come close to throwing herself at him like some of the other girls, but the worry was still in her mind.

He’d always been so confident though. When he spoke, even just to her, he maintained almost a soldier’s stance, chin lifted and chest out. Maybe he was playing the too cool angle, but she didn’t think he was. She remembered the way he made arguments in their US history class, recalling numerous facts and speaking with conviction. He couldn’t be all cool. She’d noticed the way he always projected and made sure his head was turned towards the area where their hard of hearing classmate sat. She was pretty sure there was a heart of gold buried under his cool exterior. 

-

Jasper could sense Emily approaching. He took a moment, just a fraction of his awareness, to check his thirst. The rest of his mind replayed Tuesdays events. He didn’t want a repeat. He should have known she’d try something, girls in this age were so much more brazen than they were when he was human. He knew a part of himself liked it, it drew him in like a moth to a flame. He’d always been attracted to women with a fiery spirit. He just had to make sure he was ready for the choices she’d make. He’d made sure to go hunting yesterday but he’d also hunted over the weekend and still her proximity on the bench had been too much. He had to pull away and he couldn’t tell who’s disappointment had been stronger.

Knowing that he planned to sit next to her in class today, he’d hunted again. He’d hunted until he was sloshy full. Still, he was oddly anxious about her being so near.

Unless that worry wasn’t really his.

Jasper had gotten very good at picking up on Emily from farther away. He’d made sure to work on it after being surprised to find her in his second class. Focused now, instead of just keeping tabs on her, he could pick out her worry as she made her way to the lecture hall. He briefly wondered if she had anxiety like so many other young adults did in this day and age.

He didn’t often mistake other’s feelings for his own, just like he didn’t often project. He had centuries to practice controlling his gift but this girl seemed to be an outlier in more cases than one. No matter where his thoughts went, he seemed to subconsciously tune into her. 

Despite not having directly interacted with her more than once, he was beginning to feel very comfortable with the girl. It had taken him no time at all to adjust to her emotional patterns and he found the reasons behind them just as intriguing. He liked the way she noticed, felt, and lived in every moment. She felt things so strongly that he’d felt like a druggie looking for a fix several of the days he had waited for her in class. He enjoyed analyzing her swing in emotions, determining the exact stimuli that caused them. 

Which is why her habit of worrying distressed him so much, it being the one complex emotion he could never pinpoint the cause of. It encroached on the room as she neared and Jasper warred with himself over whether he should intervene. Messing with her emotions, even if it was just to help her, seemed like a lie and Jasper’s existence was already filled with so many. He decided he couldn’t help her this way, not if he intended to keep pursuing her. He wanted to be sure than any emotions that might develop were 100% her own. When the time came, she would know that too.

He had to do something though. He couldn’t take her curiosity and wonder being clouded. He’d have to take a more human route, even if his gift gave him an advantage. In hopes to brighten her mood and relieve himself of the oppressive worry, Jasper turned to smile at her as she entered the room. He was unprepared for the faint scent of dried blood that followed her into the room. He froze, locking himself and his small smile in place. Dried blood wasn’t nearly as tempting as fresh blood, but it was enough to bring his own worry back to the forefront.

Holding the door open for the person behind her, Emily’s gaze immediately sought out Jasper. He wasn’t sitting in his usual seat, instead she found him next to her usual seat, a few rows closer to the front. He was turned around in his chair and flashing his dimples at her in what, if she didn’t know any better, would look like a self satisfied smirk. 

Emily’s heart thudded in her chest. Jasper clearly wanted to spend more time with her but, the closer she looked at him, the more he looked nervous. Maybe Marissa was right?

She forced her feet to move forward. He was going to sit next to her all class. She forced her lips to return a small smile. He might even want to talk more. She forced her brain to climb out of whatever dark hole it had been sitting in. She needed full brain function if she was going to get through this. God she hoped she wouldn’t make a fool of herself. 

Jasper almost sighed in relief when her constant barrage of worry slowed. He kept his smile firmly in place as he let himself relax slightly, considering her appearance today. It wasn’t often that he could pull his gaze away from her face, there were just too many reasons to keep looking, but today he noticed her outfit was a bit more chaotic and that was a good enough distraction. A flannel thrown over a t-shirt and leggings. She’d been put together the entire semester, as far as he could recall for someone who didn’t particularly care to look at clothing, but today even her hair was wriggling its way out of a braid.

If anything, it made her more endearing. He could do this, he reminded himself. He didn’t have anyone’s thirst to worry about but his own, and it was just dried blood. The only thing he had to worry about was pulling Emily out of her own worry. He let his smile widen a bit, he had a purpose today. Then, when she was finally near enough, he drawled, “Good morning Darlin’.”

If that accent was what caught Emily’s breath, “darlin” was what gave her goosebumps. 

Jasper’s eyes gleamed and he just barely kept himself from grinning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took a completely different direction than I originally intended but I think it will really help build the plot instead of me giving you filler chapters after filler chapters! Let me know what you think!


	7. Torn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Serial reading strikes again... sorry for the delay folks!

“Good morning,” Emily replied breathlessly as she took her seat next to him. 

Jasper could, of course, hear the way her heart rate skyrocketed when he spoke. Her whisper of a good morning reminded him that she could be attracted to him for reasons that had nothing to do with the vampire attributes meant to lure in prey. She liked his drawl and at the very least appreciated the endearment. He tucked these away with the other reasons for why this wasn’t the worst idea. Jasper didn’t think he had ever been more grateful for his southern upbringing, as distant in the past as it was.

Smug or not, Jasper still had to find the source of the blood. He felt an insurmountable need to make sure she was ok. Nothing was noticeable on any of her exposed skin along her neck or ankles and he was certain nothing had touched her delicate face. It was only when she shifted to fidget with her pens that he noticed scrapes across the palm of her hand, tiny pieces of gravel still visible with his enhanced vision. 

He didn’t hesitate. “What happened?” He murmured, as he reached across to grab her hand and gently bring it toward him.

Emily was both shocked that he took her hand and overwhelmed with the memories that the question brought back. Emily’s settling worry spiked into anxiety. These scrapes were a reminder that the events on the slope did happen. They were a reminder that she might be paranoid. She couldn’t tell Jasper what actually caused the scrapes.

Jasper struggled not to interfere, confused as to how the scrapes on her hand could connect to such deep emotions. His instinct warred with him to fix her, but she didn’t need fixing, he reminded himself. Instead, he took his time carefully brushing the gravel from her hand, letting himself relish the closeness and warmth that didn’t seem to increase his thirst.

When Emily did answer, her voice trembled, “I-it’s nothing! I just fell.” The care with which Jasper held her hand and brushed away pieces of gravel she missed made other emotions flutter in her stomach but she could feel his hands grow tense around her own. Her scalp tingled when she thought about the tug to her hair. The pain in her hands returned when she thought about her fall. 

She was telling the truth. He was sure of it but he could also feel the tinge of fear hidden in the anxiety. It was troubling. He knew there was more she wasn’t telling him, but why should she? She didn’t know him that well. 

Emily knew that if she didn’t stop thinking about it, she might send herself into an anxiety attack. She knew that all of the chemicals running through her at that moment couldn’t be good for the longterm state of her brain but her rationality didn’t like to stick around for too long. She took deep breaths and tried to focus on identifying five things with her senses, a technique her counselor taught her to help calm herself down.

She saw a scar that cut thick through Jasper’s eyebrow, a piece of his honey colored hair falling into his eyes, the way he held her gaze, his small smile, the concern clear on his face.

She felt the icy touch of Jasper’s hand, his smooth skin pressed against her own, the itchiness from where he removed gravel, the sturdiness of the chair beneath her, and the hard press of her elbow against the desk.

She heard her own breathing, the voices of her classmates chatting around her, the knock of footsteps down the stairs, the shuffle of the attendance sheet being passed, a backpack being zipped, the sound of her professor calling the class to attention.

She smelled the stagnant air of the lecture hall, her own fruity shampoo, the faint scent of sandalwood.

She tasted the bitter aftertaste from her coffee.

She’d never been good at identifying more than a couple of smells and tastes. 

Jasper didn’t look away, almost like he knew she needed time to calm herself down. When she was done, and she finally let out a sigh, he didn’t ask her why she had been deep breathing. He didn’t question why she’d been staring at him for so long. He didn’t even ask if she was going to be ok.

Instead, Jasper slowly let her hand go and gave her a reassuring smile before saying, “It looks like you need to be a bit more careful.” 

Emily tried for the rest of class to keep herself together, focus on being normal. She spent so much time observing others she wasn’t used to her brain doing the distracting. She made sure to listen extra closely to what the professor was saying. She kept up with the notes by looking at Jasper’s next to her. She even thought about the way his hand had gripped hers, but nothing took her attention the way her fears did.

When class ended, Jasper let himself look at her. In all of the classes that he spent enjoying Emily’s range of emotions, never had he felt anything quite as dark as what he had felt today. He saw the same fascinating girl he had taken on a walk on Tuesday, but the way she stared out at the world was different. He wanted so badly to know what was bothering her. He also knew nothing good would come of him pressing her. 

Moving to catch her eye, Jasper asked, “Would you like to walk to our next class together?”

She blinked like she was coming out of a daze and when she looked up at him, he was struck again by the depth in her eyes, the childlike focus coming back. 

Emily shook herself. She’d been in her own head for too long, she didn’t like it. Jasper had asked her something. He’d asked her about their next class? About  _ walking  _ to their next class. She found herself speaking before she even completed her thoughts, “Um, I usually grab some lunch with Marissa between classes since it’s such a long wait and just across the quad.” She tried to smile at him but she just felt too off. “It didn’t sound like she was going to make it today. Do you want to grab something to eat with me?”

Jasper watched two completely different scenes play out in his head. In the first one, he was drinking a deer as Emily looked on, horrified. In the second one, he pictured sitting down with her at a table and biting into one of the prepackaged sandwiches from the cafe. His stomach lurched at the thought. He tried not to sound too disgusted when he spoke. “I am not that hungry right now,” he confessed, but this probably gave him no excuse to go with her. Then, thinking of the students he’d seen eating in class added, “but I can grab something for later.”

Jasper didn’t try to talk as they made their way toward the cafe. Emily had the unsettling feeling that he knew she wasn’t doing too hot this morning. Well actually, anyone who paid close enough attention could have weaned that but, with him, it seemed like more. Whenever her mind focused back on the events of this morning, she could see him frowning and glancing at her out of the corner of his eye.

When they made it to the cafe, Jasper sped up to get ahead. Emily was thoroughly confused because she definitely remembered him saying he wasn’t hungry. Then, Jasper was holding open the door for her. How charming, she thought. No bad mood or intrusive thoughts could keep her from smiling at that. She tossed a, “Why thank you, kind sir,” over her shoulder as she passed.

She admired the simple lobby as she entered. Libraries had always been a favorite place for Emily. They were where she was able to read as many books as she wanted and use the internet on occasion after she and her mom first moved to Maine. She knew there was another library on campus that was a big draw on the campus tours, but she had enrolled too late to catch any of them and hadn’t made it over there on her own yet. She heard it was beautiful. 

Jasper let her lead the way towards the line for food. She grabbed a sandwich to go and tea out of the cooler. Having only drunk a cup of coffee this morning, Emily let herself indulge and ordered a pastry from the case once she reached the counter. She was in the middle of asking one of the student workers to warm it up when Jasper intercepted the worker at the register and paid for her meal. She didn’t even have time to protest before he was taking his card back and tucking his granola bar into his bag. 

“I-” She blurted, “Um, thank you. You didn’t need to do that.” Chuckling she added, “I ordered a lot of food.”

Jasper’s mouth lifted in a small smile and Emily found herself disappointed when his dimple didn’t appear. His voice was low when he responded, “You seemed to be having a bad day, I thought this might brighten your spirits a bit.”

Emily tried to return the smile. She was torn, he had noticed how weird she’d been acting but also he  _ noticed _ and he  _ cared _ . She no longer questioned any motives he may have had on Tuesday. Even if he had pulled away from her, he has enough interest to keep coming back. This crush was going to take over her brain.

Then, an idea came to her. She knew she could spend all day thinking about Jasper and she might be able to distract herself from what may have happened that morning. With a new goal in mind, Emily’s smile broadened.

Jasper felt the resolve hit Emily seconds before her rose colored lips stretched into a real smile. Jasper nearly sighed. He hadn’t really had a plan when he decided to follow her to lunch. He didn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable and ask her about what was bothering her but he couldn’t very well make her feel calm when she clearly had a reason not to be. He wasn’t sure what that reason was but it had made him uneasy to even think about altering her emotions.

Now, she smiled up at him and he could feel the admiration and lust creeping back in. He raised an eyebrow at her as she followed him towards a table. A beautiful flush crept up her neck. Jasper felt the venom pool in his mouth and quickly looked away. He hadn’t even thought about her blood yet his body reacted as if his intent was to kill her. He had a long road ahead of him. 

Emily ate her sandwich, watching Jasper. His eyes roamed the cafe but every once in a while would flick back to her. He’d smirk and go back to people watching. It was making her heart do funny things. Only when she was done cramming the sandwich and chocolate-filled pastry into her mouth did she try to strike up a conversation. 

Picking at the remnants of her pastry she asked, “So, what’s your major? I found out tons of personal stuff about your family on Tuesday but you didn’t really tell me a whole lot about yourself.” She knew she had called him out and as nice as it was to hear him talk about his family, she really wanted to know more about him. 

Jasper smirked, eyes narrowing, “Maybe that was the plan.”

Emily wasn’t going to take that for an answer. Her eyes narrowed in response, “Oh come on, I don’t even get to know what you’re studying? I’ll tell you mine.” She teased. She was in hardcore flirt mode now and Marissa wouldn’t let her live it down if she were here to see it. 

Jasper grabbed her trash before she had the chance and, standing up, responded, “I am majoring in philosophy.” He wondered what she’d think of that. He already knew from her conversations with Marissa that she was undeclared.

She stood with him, “Really? I was expecting you to say History.”

Jasper had majored in history several times in fact, just not this time. “It’s more of a hobby.” He walked around the table and when she hmmed he nudged her softly. He was used to covering up his enhanced hearing and knew he had to ask, “What about you?”

“I hadn’t declared my major in my last school and haven’t yet here either but I am thinking about a major in Sociology and a minor in History.” She maintained eye contact, glancing over her shoulder at him as she started her walk out of the cafe. 

Jasper threw away her trash and moved to catch up with her. He knew he’d lose most of her attention to Marissa in the next couple of minutes. “What would you want to do with it?”  
  
Emily shrugged with a funny smile on her face, “I dunno yet. They are both just really interesting to me and I feel like they go well together.”

Jasper nodded. “Well, there are a lot of options for you,” he caught her eye and joked, “A lot more than for a poor old philosophy major like me.” A large smile slipping easily over his face.

When Emily turned to find Jasper looking down at her with his gorgeous, dimple filled, grin she immediately lost her train of thought. Jasper’s smile was the most charming thing Emily had ever experienced. 

Emily was noticeably dazzled as they approached the building to their next class. It was incredibly selfish of him, especially considering how much Emily’s friend meant to her, but he didn’t want to give up her attention. He could always hope she doesn’t have plans after class and ask her to go. Why wait? “Emily,” he started and waited for her to turn around on the steps above him. This brought her almost to his height. “Would you like to accompany me on a walk after class?”

Honestly, she’d do anything to keep hearing that accent. “I’d love to!” Rushed out of her before she remembered her house dinner. “Um, but I need to be back at my dorm by 5. I have a house dinner that I can’t miss.” That gave them only an hour after class to walk.

Jasper could feel the disappointment seeping around the edges of her excitement. He felt the same but continued smiling anyways. He wanted to give her no reason to think that he was anything less than ecstatic to spend that time with her. “That’s no problem,” he assured her, “We’ll just have to stick a little closer this time.”


	8. Apart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Thanks for sticking with me folks! I am in the midst of starting a new job so updates will probably go on like this. I have several new ideas creeping into my head for how the next chapter will play out so I am hoping to get that written out within the next week. Fun stuff is coming your way!

Weeks flew by like that. Jasper insisted on walking Emily from class to class and often joined her and Marissa for lunch. Marissa seemed to like Jasper, no matter how quiet he became around her, and was still trying to convince him to hang out with their larger group of friends. After class, he’d ask Emily to take a walk or study in the library and she always wanted to say yes. Most of the time she did say yes, but between her work schedule and Jasper’s migraines, they hadn’t seen each other much that week.

Emily had just finished a study session at the library and with the rapidly setting sun, decided that any social plans would be scrapped tonight. Jasper hadn’t been able to make their study session, which had bummed her out, and she would much rather lay in bed watching Grey’s Anatomy anyways. Climbing up the last of the steps to her floor, she felt a buzz in her pocket and pulled out her phone.

_ Jasper _

_ Sorry to miss out on our study date today. :( _

Emily couldn’t wipe the stupid grin off of her face. They’d never called it a study date before. Ever since she had decided to focus on whatever was budding between her and Jasper, she hadn’t had time for upset thoughts. She couldn’t even be upset that he hadn’t shown up today for class or the study session, she was too excited about him having called it a date. 

She focused on unlocking the door to her dorm and let herself in before responding. Bumping the door with her hip and listening for the soft click of the latch, she paused to text him back.

_ Emily _

_ We can try again tomorrow if you are up for it! I have to work until 6 but we can meet at the Libe @7. I’ll bring the notes you missed today :) _

A couple of weeks ago, they had received their analytical papers back in History and Emily had been shocked to see Jasper’s 4.0 on the paper. It’s not that she didn’t think he was smart but he had to have known exactly what the professor was looking for. Emily even went to the TAs for help and only received a 3.25 on her paper. Jasper agreed to help her study for History after that. He was adamant that she didn’t need it but when she pointed out that she could still be doing better he relented. Now, they alternated days of studying and days of walking through the gorgeous Ithaca trails.

Reaching over to flick on her light, Emily looked to see if her roommate was laying in her bed. She wasn’t, which Emily had figured. Corey had been spending more and more time at the performing arts frat and didn’t come back to their dorm most nights.

Emily had expected her roommate to not be there yet something still felt off. The back of her neck prickled and goosebumps rose on her arms as she looked around the room for the source. The tall window in their dorm was wide open. Shivering, Emily made her way across the room only to be stopped by her desk chair positioned in the middle of the floor. She was only anal-retentive about a few things and one of those was the cleanliness of her desk, so Emily was positive she hadn’t left it out. She wondered if Corey had invited friends over and needed to use her chair. Normally, she wouldn’t mind and wouldn’t say anything, she didn’t want to disrupt any roommate comradery that had developed, but Corey had left the window wide open too. It irked Emily probably more than it should have. 

Finally reaching the window, she shut it until it was open just a crack. The late October weather had been kind this week and she’d take as much fresh air as she could get before winter hit. 

-

Unable to go to class due to the sun, Jasper had been itching to get back on campus and was restless for most of the day. Since returning to campus was not an option, having feigned a migraine today, he preoccupied himself around the house. Emmett had been unbearable to be around. Where Rosalie sent her silent judgment through her emotions, Emmett expressed every feeling he had about Jasper’s choices verbally. Jasper never had a problem with Emmett’s lack of filter before but once it had come to Emmett’s attention that Jasper was following a very similar path as Edward, Jasper had become the brunt of all of Emmett’s jokes. He found it hilarious that Jasper had gone and found himself a human and had no problem calling Jasper out as the hypocrite he was. 

In the morning, Jasper spent time with Esme in the garden before she went off to do restorative work on an old house. In the afternoon, when Carlisle returned from his shift at the hospital, they sat together in his study. It was all Jasper could do to keep away from Emmett. 

  
  
  


Now though, reading in Carlisle’s office, he could feel Emmett plotting. Emmett’s mischief had thickened all day. Jasper was tempted to take him outside and beat the snark out of him but he didn’t want to hear what Emmett had to say, not when he’d be saying it about Emily.

Jasper must have been projecting his frustration because eventually Carlisle sighed and set down his book. “Son, I know you wish us to not interfere but I want to make sure you are comfortable with your decision.”

Carlisle was referring to the  _ talk _ the family had the night he returned from his first walk with Emily. Jasper had been furiously adamant that since the family wanted him to start making decisions for himself, that it left them no room to judge the decisions he made. He was an expert strategist even if his decision had been a tad impulsive. But, even though he had demanded the family let him take care of himself, he was still touched by Carlisle's genuine concern. He had never been the closest to his father figure but he’d grown to appreciate the man a lot more once Alice left him. He tried to sound reassuring when he replied, “The actions I take are not unintended, Carlisle.”

Carlisle’s smile was grim but fond, “I am not asking you to give anything up, you have lost so much, but have you considered how this will affect the girl, Jasper?”

He had. There had not been a single day where Jasper hadn’t considered telling her the whole truth. Maybe it was the way her eyes shined nonjudgmentally at him or the intellect she expressed in their conversations but something about her made him want to tell her everything, even the painfully tortuous start to his immortal life. So, he analyzed every option open to him and the effects they would have. He considered whether she would be accepting of a relationship with someone who never aged. He considered whether she would have a problem with his diet. He considered whether she would eventually want to be turned. However, he knew telling her that he, and his family, were vampires would remove any choice she had in the matter. The Volturi were clear, leave no witnesses. 

When Jasper didn’t respond, Carlisle continued, “Edward never understood the gravity of it all as you did. As much as I love my son and want what makes him happy, you were right to bring up the danger that acts like this put our family in.”

Being compared to Edward was sickening, and it was unfortunate to think Carlisle doubted him, “We may not have Alice to help us navigate the Volturi but I have yet to break a single law in regards to Emily. I spend countless moments considering how much to tell her and how to act but I cannot bring myself to stay away from her Carlisle. I will not. I think I am allowed this selfishness.”

“You deserve so much more,” his father confessed. “I only wish to know how we, as a family, can help. Ask us to welcome her into our home and we will. Ask me to explain her choices and I shall. My intention is not to interfere, only help you and protect our family. Esme and I do not wish to lose another son.”

Hearing the declaration was one thing but feeling it was another. Jasper knew Carlisle felt love for all of his children but had never had it focused so intently on him. “That means a lot to me, Carlisle. You should know I have no intention of leaving.”

Carlisle smiled sadly at this, “I do not believe our children have ever intended to leave us but for a short while. Nonetheless, You have many difficult choices ahead of you and I would like to give you some things to think about.” At Jasper’s scorned look, he amended, “Not that I think you have overlooked any detail but perhaps you will contemplate them in a new light. Edward had the benefit of Bella figuring our secret out on her own. Their relationship developed out of that. For the last month, I have watched you come home with a light in your eyes that I have not seen in you before and I know you have connected with her, Emily. You must choose whether you can exist with or without her. Eventually, she will notice your lack of aging, or we will be forced to move on. Could you move on? Edward always struggled with Bella’s mortality, we were all aware of this. Even when the girl made her choice, he still felt this life was a punishment she did not deserve. So when she asked Edward to send us away we obeyed but at a cost, should the Volturi find out about her. Should you choose to tell Emily, will you be able to accept sentencing her to this existence? If she denies you, will you be able to deliver her mercy? I’m afraid we cannot let another human live freely knowing about our kind.”

The growl that had been building in Jasper’s chest released itself on Carlisle’s final note. He refused to think of executing her or allowing anyone else to do it. Worse yet, he just admitted it to his whole coven, as he knew the others were listening. There was always the chance that she wouldn’t want an existence with him. The thought of having to end her already short life was too much.

Like a petulant child, Jasper left to brood in his room. He was beginning to understand Edward’s moods but it made the reality that Emily could deny him that much more real. 

It took some time for the fury boiling within him to finally simmer down. It was nearing the time Emily usually ended their study sessions when his thoughts began to rationalize. He and Carlisle both agreed he deserved some form of happiness and he was honest when he said he’d broken no laws. The Volturi could not come for them because of Emily. Like always, he would have to proceed strategically. As much as it pained him, even his relationship with Emily didn’t last past the Cullen’s residence in Ithaca, it still gave him 4-5 more years with her. Could that be enough?

He certainly wasn’t going to waste the time he had. He could leave his moral dilemmas at home if that meant he could fully enjoy the time he and Emily spent together.

He wondered what that would look like if they proceeded on the path he started, if he pursued her romantically as had been his intention. Ever since he’d brushed the gravel from her hands, he longed any reason to reach out and touch her. Her face had been silken and warm the one time he’d brushed her hair back. Her hair was as untamed as she was, he’d attempted to untangle her waves and ringlets on one occasion. She’d never even flinched. 

He wondered how much he and Emily would be able to enjoy each other while her heart still beat. It depended strongly on what she wanted but, for him, the temptation for physical contact was there. Any want to drain her was almost repulsive thanks to the emotional bond he had formed with her. Now, he struggled to combat his body’s innate physical reactions to being around her. His throat still burned brighter when she sat near to him and venom pooled whenever he caught a glimpse of her gorgeous blush but he was positive he could handle it. Perhaps that was something Carlisle could actually help with. As sinful as these thoughts may be, he was already going to hell for other reasons and would prefer to risk Emily as little as possible.

Settling into the armchair by the window, he pulled out his phone to send Emily a text. He hadn’t heard from her since this morning but knew he had to keep it limited if he wanted to pull off the migraine excuse. Debating on how to word the text he once again found it ironic that those he chose to surround himself with favored a method of communication he was only just beginning to appreciate. He settled on calling their session a study-date since his intentions should be clear by now. Adding a frowning face, knowing that Emily would appreciate an emoji, he pressed send.

He was eager for her to text back. He hadn’t asked her anything that would warrant a response but he knew she would respond anyway. She was a reliable person who put, from what he had seen and experienced, effort into her friendships. She had been so caring the last time he needed to feign a migraine he’d found it hard not to respond to her texts immediately.

Jasper remembered the next time he’d seen her, after that sunny day he spent at home. She’d practically tripped down the stairs trying to get to her seat faster. Giddy was a good word to describe the emotion that had been pulsing off of her. Even recalling her emotions couldn’t taint the purity he’d felt. He’d never had emotions aimed at him so strongly before. 

He didn’t have to wait long for her, it was only a few moments before she texted him back to suggest trying again the next evening.

Jasper’s heart would have skipped a beat if it were able. He’d stuck to the days they had class together due to the ease of excuses to stick around. Now, Emily invited him to study on a Wednesday evening and, even though he didn’t have to attend class on campus that day, he couldn’t think of a good reason to say no.

Not wanting to jinx himself in case he arrived before the last of the sun’s rays were beyond the horizon, he double-checked the weather for tomorrow evening anyway.  _ Overcast, perfect. _

_ Jasper _

_ I can’t wait _

_ Jasper _

_ Did I miss anything exciting? _


	9. Undone

The next morning, Emily rummaged around her small dorm room for her favorite gray Finger Lakes hoodie. She’d stayed up later than usual watching Grey’s and texting Jasper. She’d even fallen asleep without shutting her archaic laptop. Netflix’s “Are you still watching?” greeted her on the screen when she went to shut down her computer. With all of this, she was feeling extra lazy today and didn’t feel like wearing clothes that lived up to the style of her moto jacket, the only other jacket that would keep her warm but not sweating in the brisk fall weather. 

Emily was close to shivering as searched every crevice of her dim dorm room for her hoodie. It was nowhere to be found. It wasn’t on her computer chair by the window where she usually left it. It wasn’t hanging on the back of the door. It wasn’t on a hanger or stuffed in the bottom of her closet. She couldn’t see or feel it in the depths of her laundry basket and, as far as she could tell, it hadn’t been swallowed by the void under her bed.

As lazy as she was feeling, she admitted to herself that maybe this was a sign she should at least attempt to look nice for Jasper later today, he’d called it a study- _ date _ after all. She caught a glimpse of her chipped gold nail polish and grimaced.

Giving up on her hoodie for the moment, she examined the large open window and huffed. The window had slid open 2 feet to the right, almost halfway. She could have sworn she’d closed it further than that. Maybe there was something wrong with the sliding mechanism and Corey hadn’t just left it wide open yesterday.

Brushing off the irritation that had been building up, she added her hoodie to the ever-growing list of things she needed to talk to her roommate about and moved on with her day.

She rearranged the covers on her bedspread back to semi-made and checked her phone for any notifications. Beyond the usual blips from Facebook and her email, she realized there were two unread text messages from last night.

_ Jasper- 11:16PM _

_ Goodnight Darlin’ _

Emily flushed at the endearment. She tried to remember the exact tenor of his voice and the accompanying twang. It had just as much of an effect on her now as it did in person. She checked their full message history then, not remembering saying goodnight to him. She recalled they’d been having a conversation about her plans for Halloween, which fell on the Friday after the midterm exams.

_ Jasper- 10:51PM _

_ As funny as it is to imagine you strutting around campus dressed as a turkey, I don’t think your fellow hooligans will find it as funny as you think ;)  _

Emily smiled because Jasper had just recently started using emojis with her but groaned when she spotted her semi typed-out reply from the night before.

_ I’m just messing with you XD I don’t think _

She hadn’t finished her thought let alone hit send. Feeling bad for leaving him hanging, she quickly erased her reply and typed out a new one.

_ Emily _

_ Sorry for falling asleep on you! I promise I was just joking about the turkey costume XD Still good for a study-date later with this weirdo? _

Her stomach clenched thinking about how he might have thought her a little strange last night. So much meaning could get lost over text and she’d been joking the whole time. She also didn’t want to seem desperate this morning. It almost made her delete the message but she remembered the wink and reassured herself that he knew she was joking. After pressing send, Emily checked her other text from last night. It had been from Marissa, who had still gone out to socialize after Emily had admitted she wasn’t up for it.

_ Mari <3 _

_ We missed you tonight! Some boys at the townhouse asked about you ;P Thought I’d let you know in case your still having COLD FEET with J _

Emily rolled her eyes. She loved her friend but was so glad she fell asleep before receiving this text. She probably would have said something stupid in her sleepy haze.

_ Emily _

_ Ha.ha.ha. You are sooooo funny! And just so you know I have a study DATE with Mr. J later today :P I don’t want to hear anything about cold feet! _

Smirking at the banter she was sure her response would cause, Emily set out to get herself ready for the day, reveling in the realization that she didn’t have class until 1 PM on Wednesdays.

~

Emily paid for her sass during lunch. Marissa marched up to her while she waited in line for a wrap and in an impressively loud voice announced, “I cannot believe you are holding out on me! Since when has studying with _ Mr. _ J been a date?! You need to tell me everything.”

Mortified at her friend’s boldness, Emily grabbed her wrap from the employee behind the counter in a rush, completely forgetting to thank the man. She grabbed Marissa’s arm and led her away from the line of people now eying them. She tried to reassure her friend, “I swear I have not been keeping anything from you, Mari! We go over basically our whole lives every lunch and I saw you yesterday. He only  _ just _ called it a study date last night!” Emily grinned despite her mortification, moving to the checkout, her student ID already extended to pay for the meal. 

Marissa tailed her to an empty table, plopping herself down in the seat directly across from her. “Ok, so this has to mean you and Mr. J are getting serious, right?! No matter how blind you pretend to be I know he likes you. He’d be stupid not to.” 

Mari flicked her hair braids back, all business, but Emily cringed wishing she hadn’t called him  _ Mr. J  _ in her text earlier. “Ugh, please Mari, don’t call him that I was just teasing.”

Marissa clucked her tongue and pulled a blender bottle out of her backpack, pouring the carton of milk Emily had seen her snag into it with the pre-measured powder. “Nuh-uh, Puddin’. You started it and I kind of like it as a new codename.” Marissa grinned at her.

Emily felt a little irked, she had clearly been playing on her friend’s obsession with DC comics earlier but this couldn’t be a running thing. If Mari ever called Jasper that to his face or if he overheard either of them referring to him as  _ Mr. J _ she would be beyond mortified. She’d probably spontaneously combust. “ _ Seriously Mari _ , stick with J. This is important to me!”

Marissa looked at her friend then, grin firmly in place, capped her blender bottle, and got ready to shake it, “You're finally starting to believe you guys are gonna become a thing, huh?”

Emily huffed out in relief, blowing at the chestnut locks she had carefully crafted into loose ringlets earlier that morning, “Yeah, I think so.” Any explanation she was tempted to give was drowned out by the sound of Marissa mixing her shake and for that Emily was grateful.

_ ~ _

Emily shivered as she made her way into the crowded library. The wind had been cold and blustery as the storm that was supposed to hit tonight rolled in. The scene she walked into in the library wasn’t so unusual but combined with the energy from the coming storm put her on edge. Large groups of students lounged in every available chair and chatted between tables. She had witnessed similar ruckus at her previous school during finals time. Though, she supposed the scale of this school would make the week before midterms, understandably, just as rowdy. 

Emily moved further into the library and found Jasper at their usual table, just like he’d promised when he texted her back earlier that day. The table was small and circular with a couple of old chairs but it put them right by a couple of tree-shaded windows, not that there was any light from outside seeping in today. When the weather was nice, they made sure to crack open the windows to enjoy the fresh air. Today, the table was bare save for the singular notebook Jasper always brought and a café to-go cup she was surprised to see.

Her focus shifted back to Jasper as she got closer. Between his leather jacket and tousled hair, she could tell he rode his motorcycle to campus. She wondered what it would be like to ride one, what it would be like to ride with him, but also recalled the state of the weather outside and worried about his ride home.

Even distracted, she couldn’t hold back her grin and exulted, “Hey!” It felt like forever since she had last seen him, even though it had only been a couple of days. Stopping at their table she felt excitement swell in her chest. She tried and failed to tame it but she didn’t want to scare him, so she settled for schooling her face into a more gentle form of a smile instead.

Jasper could tell she was trying to suppress her excitement and he loved the way it fought its way toward him. Trying not to move too quickly, he stood to greet her and pull out her chair. “Hey, Darlin’.” The anticipation he’d felt all day increased with her pulse. 

He pushed her chair in when she was settled and let her sweet scent of strawberries and lilac tear its way down his throat. His body’s reaction to her was nothing compared to the relief of seeing her again. He dared his monster to show its face tonight. There was nothing anyone, including himself, was going to do to stop him from enjoying every second he got to spend with Emily. He was going to make his intentions abundantly clear. He was done skirting around the topic like a feeble prepubescent boy.

When he was in his seat once more, he placed the cup of hot liquid in front of her. He let his voice soften and melt into the accent he no longer tried to suppress, “I got this for you just before the café closed. With how much the temperature is supposed to drop tonight, I figured you’d like a warm drink.”

Emily blushed but lifted the cup and drew in a deep breath. Cinnamon, nutmeg, and vanilla with a hint of cardamom greeted her. She  _ loved _ chai lattés. “Thank you,” she breathed and closed her eyes. She was stunned by the thoughtfulness of the man in front of her. She’d never experienced anything quite like it. 

“It’s my pleasure,” he smiled back at her fondly. The southern gentleman in him preened at the acknowledgment but he wondered if the gesture was still too subtle.

Unfortunately, they opened their notes shortly after that. Jasper had promised her he would help her ace their History class and he was going to keep his word. However, History was a boring affair to discuss when all he wanted to think about was the way Emily’s plum jacket she’d kept on brought out the green in her eyes and made her freckles particularly prominent. He loathed reviewing the US’s contributions to World War I when the brunt of his attention was focused on the way Emily’s lips parted to take sips of her drink. It was unlike him to give so little thought to the errors each side had made, to not think of ways the war could have been won sooner. Yet, in that moment, he could not care less. He was drawn in by Emily’s every move.

The contentedness that settled over her hit him like a druggy getting his fix. Jasper’s chest ached in the best way, knowing that she felt so at peace and safe sitting across from him. She had been so on edge a few weeks prior that he had grown seriously concerned for her, tempted to stoop to his brother’s level and follow her around campus but the more time they had spent together, the less anxious she became. He didn’t know if his presence helped or if she worked past her worries but he was grateful for her to be spirited again.

Jasper watched Emily take a long, eyes-closed, sip from her drink. A smudge of the drink was left in the corner of her mouth when she brought the cup back down. He was tempted to wipe it away for her, it wouldn’t have been the first time, but that idea was interrupted. 

The lights in the library flickered out and waves of frustration and fear hit him from all sides. A power outage, he should have seen this coming. The wind blew strong enough tonight to shake the window panes. He could hear antennas attached to nearby buildings groaning with the effort of remaining upright. 

He observed all of this in the seconds before Emily’s eyes sprang open in shock. He knew she wouldn’t be able to see anything until the emergency lights kicked on. As it were, the students around them were already beginning to shout and use their electronics as flashlights. He went to her, wanting to be able to lead her out of the ensuing chaos.

Shocked at the darkness that had suddenly enveloped her, Emily opened her eyes and tried to make out the scene around her. She was thankful to the students who had been using laptops a few tables over as they provided enough light for her to see the silhouette of a man beside her, reaching for her.

Panic took her until she remembered she’d been sitting across from Jasper and heard the soothing, “I’ve got you, sweetheart. Let's get out of here.” She felt the familiar brush of Jasker’s leather jacket as he took her drink from her and pulled her chair back out.

Emily, disoriented but understanding Jasper’s want to get out of the energized crowd, fumbled to gather her things from the table. She felt Jasper press up against her side, coming to her aid. They picked up scattered papers they could barely see, grabbing his own notebook, and felt around for anything that she might be missing. She was shoving the last of her papers back into her folder and stuffing it in her messenger bag when the emergency lights kicked on. 

Emily knew Jasper had been next to her, but turning to see him that close was a whole other experience. Once Emily had finished growing in high school, she had been able to look most people in the eye. There were even times when she would slouch when talking to people noticeably shorter than her. This close to Jasper, however, she felt petite. She was eye level with his chin and took the time to appreciate how the shadows accentuated his perfectly sculpted jawline before tilting her head back. His gaze pinned her.

In an instant, she was stiff with nerves. The way he looked at her was all-consuming. Hungry. His smooth pale skin connected to rose-colored lips. Thick eyelashes bordered his intense gaze. How could she bring out that intense of a desire from someone who looked so perfect?

Jasper longed for the contentedness he had felt from her mear moments before. He ached to sooth the tense set of her shoulders but feared that touch may make it worse. Instead, he did what his brother Emmett had always been so good at doing. He chuckled and teased, “Come now, I’d like to walk you back to your dorm. Wouldn’t want any stray foxes mistaking you for a turkey.”

The tension broke with audible relief.

Emily giggled at the ridiculousness, undone once again by Jasper’s charm. She longed for something witty to say but the way he looked at her in that dim light made it hard to focus. 

It was that giggle that did Jasper in. He wanted to replay it in his head for the rest of his existence. He was happy to know he could replay it as many times as he liked without losing any quality, unlike failable human memories. He wanted Emily in so many unthinkable ways for a vampire to want a human and he wasn’t so sure he was strong enough to resist her, not if she was going to make sounds like that.

Emily started and stopped several times before finally mustering the courage to grab his free hand and murmur, “Lead the way.”

Jasper clutched her hand gently in his as he maneuvered them out of the library, past dozens of other students making their way out. The brisk wind hit them all at once upon exiting the Libe. Jasper wasn’t bothered by the cold but it was a stark contrast to the hand clutched in his. Guilt rose in Jasper as she shivered. He wished there were other ways he could keep her warm as he handed her now tepid drink back to her. 

Emily felt like a live wire as they made their way down the slope towards the dorms. Her mind played and replayed every scenario of what might happen once they reached her dorm. Would he leave? Would he ask to stay? Would she ask him to stay? She wanted him to stay. She knew that much. She had spent less than an hour together before the power had gone out at the Libe. She flushed thinking about how she would spend all night with him if he’d let her. 

Jasper had never more wished for his brother’s ability. Emily kept him guessing every moment he spent with her. He so wanted to understand the reasons behind the emotions she was emitting. He always did. Now, however, the urge was even stronger. Emily was in a constant flux between nervous and excited. He could guess why. There was enough lust laced in with her other emotions he would have to be a fool not to connect the dots but he still wanted to know more. He wanted to know everything so he could reassure her. He wanted to know her, everything about her.

When Emily turned them towards one building in particular, Jasper wasn’t surprised. Her scent was one of many that had tracked in and out of that building. Emily was able to swipe them in with her student ID, the dorms having retained their power. Jasper wondered how long that would last. 

Emily walked Jasper up to her dorm on the third floor. If he had come all the way up with her, odds are he’d like to stay right? Would he be expecting anything? She couldn’t remember if she’d picked up her dirty laundry in search of her sweatshirt that morning. What if Corey was there? What if her room was a wreck?

Thankfully, Jasper was the first to speak when she finally opened her door. 

“We didn’t get very far into the material tonight. Would you like to try to get a bit more done before turning in for the night?” Jasper asked her as he leaned against the doorframe. the gesture felt so abnormal but he’d do anything short of tamper with her emotions to put her at ease. 

Her lips tugged up at the corners as she used her elbow to hit the light switch. It only turned on a small lamp but gave her room a warm welcoming glow. She tugged on his hand and murmured, “Sure, come on in.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was immensely difficult to write. The whole time I itched to write the next chapter but once the chapter started rolling things just fell into place and I am pretty happy with the way it turned out! Stay tuned for the next chapter, it will captivate the socks off of you!


	10. Captivated

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want you all to know I have been waiting on this chapter since June. I have had the majority of this chapter written since JUNE. The slow updates are my own fault but I didn’t think there would be so much to put between their first meeting and this… I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!

Jasper had been listening to Emily’s pulse slow over the last couple of minutes. Once they had made themselves comfortable on the thin blue area rug that took up the space between the two beds, Emily’s nerves had receded. Jasper wondered if this was the first time she had brought a male to her room. It hadn’t occurred to him that he might have competition. He’d never heard her mention an interest in anyone before and had only overheard Marissa teasing her about a few chaste kisses at parties. From what he’d inferred, Emily had tried and renounced flings. It hadn’t bothered Jasper… much. He knew the modern culture was vastly different from the one he’d grown up with. A woman’s role was not as constrained and humans, in general, were far more publicly sexual than he’d been prepared for. He was trying his best to adapt. Which meant accepting that since he hadn’t made his intentions explicitly clear, Emily was free to see whomever she pleased.

Still, he was curious. He drew a long breath in, full of glee at how little effort ignoring the burn took. There were many old dull scents around the room but only one that was fresh. Emily had not had anyone over in a while, including her roommate. The room was filled with her. Florals and fruits wafted from her shower caddy hanging in the corner as well as a plastic drawer under her bed. He was sure that was where she kept her lotion. There was such an abundance of different scents he wondered how many one human girl might actually need. None of them compared to her of course, she smelled divine on her own.

As the storm drew nearer, they reviewed the various wars the US had been a part of, the ones they started as well as the ones they supported as allies. As in the library, however, Jasper devoted very little of his attention to history. He was drawn to everything that was Emily. The furrow in her brow when she didn’t quite understand something drew his eyes. Each one of her soft exhalations was matched by one of his own. Alone in her room with her, he could feel the soft vibrations of her voice as she spoke. It made his hands tingle. He wanted nothing more than to reach out and touch her, cup her face, but she was focused and he couldn’t disappoint.

His eyes wandered to the parts of the room that made it hers. The purple duvet that enveloped her bed, the calendar labeled with important dates, the corkboard littered with to-do lists, and her scheduled shifts at the college store. They all spoke about different aspects of her life. Jasper’s favorite, however, was the collage of postcards from various Northeastern states that dotted her wall. Some of them were turned so that the writing was facing out. Those were all from “Nana,” who he assumed was her grandmother. He wondered if the rest of the postcards were from her too. They were all worn around the edges as though they had been handled often. 

Then, his gaze would shift back to hers and he’d take her in again. The freckles that had started to fade with the summer sun, the tight ringlets of her hair that made her brown locks rest higher on her collarbone, the gleam in her eyes every time she caught him staring. She was captivating.

Emily leaned back against her bedpost with her textbook propped open on her knees, forgoing the countless papers she’d shoved into her folder out of order. She watched Jasper out of the corner of her eye. He sat with perfect posture in the middle of her room, only hunching forward the slightest bit when moving to turn a page of his notebook in front of him. Mostly, he sat facing her, looking back and forth over her walls, bed, and desk before his eyes would eventually find her again and he would remind her of subtle connections of World War I to other wars the US had been involved in. Emily was trying her best to draw connections like Jasper. Recalling information was simple, connecting them to the complex themes that Jasper must use to get As on all of his papers was the bigger issue. She’d never thought of the connection one war would have to another. And for that matter, why was this whole class focused so solely on wars? She was sure other important crap had happened to the United States at some point. 

Feeling Emily’s frustration build Jasper propped himself up on his left hand, leaned forward, and seized the book off of her lap. Perhaps if he acted more relaxed, she would relax a little and start to enjoy herself again.

“Hey!” she blurted out, her frustration spiking. 

Jasper chuckled. He wondered if perhaps she was grumpy but dismissed that idea when he realized she wasn’t tired. Shouldn’t she be? When did most humans go to bed? Either way, her bark was worse than her bite, he was sure of it. 

Emily shifted to her knees reaching for the textbook Jasper held away from her. She grew angrier as he continued to hold it out of her reach.  _ Douche! _ He had been the one that was so determined for them to study tonight and now he was holding the current method to her madness out of her reach. “Give it back!” She nearly growled.

Jasper just chuckled again and shut her book.

When he tucked the book behind him, Emily huffed. She shifted to sitting, unwilling to crawl over Jasper to get her book back but now hyper-aware of how close they had become. This close, she could smell sandalwood and the faint scent of amber. His smell was intoxicating.

Jasper tipped his head to the side, his usually well kept shaggy hair falling into his eyes. Emily itched to tuck it away like he had done so many times to her but was stopped by his smooth deep voice, “I think you need to take a break.”

Mentally working past the heady scent of him, she remembered that she had been trying to get her textbook back. How easily that fight had left her. She leaned into her right hand, mirroring Jasper. She was curious as to where he would take this. “Ok, and what exactly do you think I should do instead?” She asked, tilting her head. She couldn’t help the snark that slipped through, “Am I supposed to give you a tour of my room? There’s my desk, there’s my bed,” She pointed, “that’s my closet and if you need a bathroom it’s all the way on the other end of the hall.”

Jasper chuckled again, the huskiness of it making her feel like someone had turned up the heat in the building. He had been more relaxed and happy as of late, she could get used to that. It was a change from the reserved Jasper that had first introduced himself to her. She’s even heard him laugh a couple of times on their walks. It was always unexpected but she was sure it was the most beautiful sound she had ever heard. 

Jasper wanted to ask her so many questions, distract her from the studying she was sure to want to get back to. There were so many things that he longed to know yet many of them had felt like a forbidden topic for her. He sifted through her emotions. Frustration lingered, amusement had surfaced, and the attraction had come back with a flourish. Yet, he didn’t want to rush. Instead, he asked, “Do you have any plans to leave for Thanksgiving break?” Her work schedule didn’t extend that far into the future but he’d also noticed a lack of events penned on her calendar during that time.

The thought of going back home made her anxious but she was grateful she could answer the question without going into too much detail. “No, no plans to leave. I am trying to see if anyone around the dorm would be interested in a thanksgiving potluck though. I know there are quite a few of us staying and I think it would be nice to keep each other company on a holiday.”

Jasper was surprised yet grateful. He didn’t know much about Emily’s family but he knew humans loved spending the holidays together. It surprised him that she would want to stay on campus for a holiday people usually traveled for. Yet, he was also immensely happy because he would not need to fill his time without her. 

He felt an affectionate smile spread over his face. He was also, in no way surprised by her interest in gathering Thanksgiving misfits. “Of course you are,” He remarked. College seemed to suit her but he was curious as to who she would grow into when she left, whether she left as a human or as a vampire was yet to be determined.

Jasper was resolute in keeping her human as long as necessary, as long as it took him to tell her the truth, for her to accept it, and for her to make her own choice. Still, holding back wasn’t his strong suit and he wanted her. He wanted her to want him. He wanted her to choose him. He refused to manipulate her emotions, he couldn’t bear that, but there were other ways he could convince her.

“What?” Emily teased wryly. “You don’t think I should put anyone through the pain of my cooking? Well, I agree. That’s why it’s a potluck, so I can eat some edible food while the dining halls are closed. You are always welcome to join me.” She trailed off, noting the intensity of his gaze.

Emily’s breath rippled unevenly across Jasper’s face. The distance between them felt nonexistent. The heat radiating off of her body assured Jasper he’d be burned in more ways than one for what he wanted to do. She was so fragile but he’d been able to hold her delicate hands in his. He’d been able to untangle her hair, tuck it behind her ear, all without breaking it. He was sure she could handle the darkness that enveloped his world, just as sure as he was that he could handle showing her how he felt. He would not be a danger to her.

Emily did not miss the way Jasper’s smile grew confident.

Emily’s heart rate skyrocketed as he leaned closer. Adrenaline jolted through her veins when his eyes flicked down to her lips and then back up. 

_ He was going to kiss her. _

She had thought about his lips more times than she could count and wondered if they were as soft as they looked. She had imagined running her hands through his hair and pulling his face closer. She wanted this so bad. She wanted him to understand her. She wanted him.

Jasper moved to close the gap between them, paying careful attention to the speed at which he moved and the pressure he was going to use.  _ 6 inches, 3 inches, 4 centimeters. _ Just enough pressure to touch.

When his lips met hers, he was stunned by the electricity of it. Warmth pulsed through him in the stillness but after a moment, her soft supple lips urged his to move. He couldn’t resist her urging, he wasn’t sure if he’d have the strength to pull away. He was thankful for the efficiency of a vampire brain then, as he was able to direct much of his focus to keeping up the human facade, touching her gently, and memorizing every sensation at the same time. He could not have been happier. He shook, trying to maintain control. It was immensely difficult but he knew he really could do this. If he could keep up his focus, he would not be a danger to her.

Unadulterated joy filled Emily from the outside soaking in and if she hadn't known better she would have thought it was Jasper himself exuding those emotions. Every inch of her that touched him zinged and she hung on every shaky breathe he took. She was utterly captivated by him.

His lips were cold and firm against her own and when he cupped her cheek a chill ran up her spine. His hand held her softly in place as he pulled back. 

He just had to see her for one second. He wanted to get lost in her eyes. It wasn’t the color. It wasn’t the shape. It was the depth, it was everything they saw and how she looked at him. When she looked at him there was no horror or fear as he was used to feeling from others. She looked at him and affection, lust, and maybe even… was that  _ love? _ flowed through her. Her cocktail of emotions was one he could not stop sipping.

Taking in another shaky breath, he noticed the way her scent hung in the air and clung to him. He had been around her for weeks and the burn was easier to ignore but this time he noted how his mouth had yet to fill with venom. He was too focused on  _ her _ to think about her blood. He was too focused on keeping his touch light to notice the way her blood thrummed inches away from his mouth. 

When she tried to lean back in towards him, he didn’t move to stop her. He pressed his lips to hers in the most gentle way he knew how. He let his hand shift to cup her head and gently parted her lips. He was anxious about the chance of her cutting herself on his teeth but she never made a gesture that would put her in danger. 

Jasper pressed himself further against her, nearly crawling over her, as she leaned back and finally let herself lay on the carpet. He moved to hover over her and Emily thought her new guilty pleasure might just be the way his hair fell down to tickle her face. The sensation was euphoric.

And man, he was even more toned than she had realized. His muscles were taut and sinew under his button-up shirt. Every inch of him was hard and to say that didn’t turn her on would be a blatant lie. Throwing herself deeper into the kiss she ran her hands up his chilled back, too tempted by the way his shirt lifted and followed her hands up.

Jasper groaned above her, in pleasure or in frustration he didn’t know. He was too busy trying to hold himself back from using his full strength. She was so fragile under him. Every part of her gave underneath his touch but he couldn’t stop feeling her. It became painful trying to hold himself back. He slowly ran his hand up her hip to her waist and pulled her flush against him. Jasper was taking shaky breaths, not that he needed to breathe but more to keep some control over what he was doing. It made maintaining control over his strength easier but controlling his need so much harder. Every shaky breath drew in her scent and sent his senses into overload. He was surrounded by her. She was under him, her scent filled him, and her name rolled on repeat in his brain.  _ Emily... Emily... Emily. _

Jasper pictured what he wanted to do to her knowing he didn’t have enough restraint to make his dreams come true, not yet. He imagined being able to strip her clothes off and see every inch of her warm skin. To be able to follow the freckles down her chest. Lust was dripping off of him and only when she gasped and wrapped her leg around his waist did he realize he was projecting.

Panic filled his system for a second and he reeled himself back in. No part of him wanted to influence this girl's emotions. He could not manipulate her the way he had so many others. She was not an enemy, nor was she afraid of him. If he was going to be with her, he wanted it to be completely her. Completely her choice.

Emily snapped back to reality as the intense arousal vanished but shook it off, replacing it with her own curiosity and admiration. The only thing that halted her movements was when she went to grind her hips up and felt something hard stab into her thigh.

She brazenly reached down, stuck her hand in his front pocket. She pulled his phone out. Not flinging it, but letting it fall with a thunk by her head, she went back to her menstruations of running her hand back and forth over his neck and shoulders. 

Jasper met Emily’s eyes and warmth filled him. Something he hadn’t felt in years from something as simple as staring into this human girl's eyes, kissing her lips. She grinned at him, her coffee-colored hair splayed out in ringlets on the floor. 

Playfully, he grinned back and slowly, so as not to hurt her, he rolled them so she was straddling his waist.

Emily was shocked by the ease with which he moved but that didn’t stop her from planting her hands on each side of his head and bringing her mouth right back down to his. Shutting her eyes to enjoy the monumental feelings this opened inside of her. It was intense with him in a way that it hadn’t been with anyone before. He made it easy to ignore the constant noise and distractions of the outside world. Almost.

It was the buzz from the phone that drew her away. Her gaze sought out the lit phone screen next to her hand as her lips left his. He had a new text. It read:

_ Alice _

_ I’m coming home. _

Jasper was pulled out of his haze the second he felt confusion trickle off of Emily.

The wrinkle between her eyebrows was adorable and Jasper realized just how soft this girl was making him. He felt almost normal, a human kind of normal, around her and he wouldn’t give it up for anything.

Then she spoke, “I thought your sister’s name was Rosalie?” She shifted backward on his lap. “I know you said your mom's name was Esme. I’d never forget a unique name like that. Is Alice some sort of nickname?”

Jasper felt shock rage through him as well. Alice was the one who had texted him? He sat up. His eyes flicked down to the phone to confirm, then back to the only thing that mattered to him.

She had given him an out in her confusion but the longer he thought about it, the more guilty he felt. He truly cared for this girl and he was honest to god considering the best way to tell her that he was a vampire. If he got that far and she then found out about his wife? He had no doubt she would be rid of him. He had to give her this shred of full honesty.

In the tenths of a second it took him to think through this, he also analyzed his own emotions. He was shocked to find fear. Jasper knew Emily could get hotheaded. She felt all of her emotions so intensely that it was easy for her to switch from one to the next. Would he have the chance to explain? He didn’t want what they were building to fail but an explanation might be worth it to try and prevent a bigger fallout later.

Emily’s confusion shifted to Jasper when he moved her off his lap and back onto the floor, taking her hands in his. Her thoughts still reeled, trying to find the missing connection between the names Rosalie and Alice.  _ Rosalie… Alie… Alice… maybe it’s a middle name.  _ He squeezed her hands tight and she was suddenly worried she was wrong about who Alice was.

Jasper steeled himself, looking into her eyes. Searching for something to latch his bravery onto. When he found it, that sparkle of warmth, he spoke in the softest tone he could manage, “Emily, I need to tell you something and you need to give me the chance to explain.”

She was worried she would go into full-blown panic mode if he kept this up. Anticipation and anxiety ruled her senses now but she nodded her head, mutely.  _ Who was Alice and why did she warrant such a big explanation? Oh god, does he have a girlfriend? _

He dragged a breath through his teeth and let it out in a gust as he said, “Alice is my wife, I am technically married.” As good as it felt, to be honest, he couldn’t help tracking her emotions as they turned from anxiety to confusion, realization, then furry.

The furry transformed her face. Hardening those eyes he was getting so used to losing himself in. When she ripped her hands from his and flung herself up off the ground, he followed. His words came in a rush as he tried to beat the anger trying to escape her, “It’s not like it sounds!” He panicked, unsure of how exactly to explain it. He had thought over the vampire scenario time and time again but never thought about the day she found out he was still technically married. He was so stupid. “I am  _ technically _ married but it means nothing now!”

He wasn’t ready when she started yelling.

“Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME?!” Emily lost a part of herself just then, loathing every decision she had made that night and for the prior month. Never had she ever thought him having a  _ wife _ was something she would have to deal with. “You’re MARRIED and you are just now telling me?!”

Emily thought about who this other girl could be. Would she find out? Did she know already? Emily had been cheated on and she refused to be the other woman. Emily felt guilt well up in her stomach and exploded again. “I can’t believe I trusted you. I CAN'T BELIEVE I let you get this far!” Guilt and fury consumed every inch of her thoughts. How could she be so naive? Of course, he was taken. Not just taken,  _ married _ .

Jasper stood, soaked in her emotions, as she shoved his chest violently. She moved more than he did. “GET OUT!” She shouted. 

He knew what was coming but the purity of the anger in it still made him freeze. 

Emily shoved at him again, trying to use what she knew about leverage to actually move him this time. She was shocked when she nearly threw herself backward instead and enraged when he reached out to steady her.

Unable to move him, she seethed but decided to take charge of the situation the only way she could. 

Emily turned suddenly towards the door, her coffee-colored hair swinging wildly behind her. When she spoke, she yanked Jasper out of his stunned state. “FINE, if you won’t leave, I WILL.”

She had almost made it to the door when Jasper realized what that meant and moved, albeit a little too quickly, to block her from leaving.

Holding his hands in front of him, he tried to look abashed. Nothing was working out in his favor just now but if he could get her to stay he would take that as a win. He croaked out, “Emily, if you’d just give me a chance to explain.” 

She shifted her weight away from him, pausing, before snapping, “What is there to explain?!” She flung her arms out to the sides. “You’re in here putting the moves on me when you have a wife! I can’t even picture how she would feel about this if she knew because I have no fucking clue who she is! I don’t know who  _ you  _ are!”

The truth of the statement hit Jasper in his chest. She really had no idea who he was. There was not much he had been able to share with her. Most of what shaped him into who he was, occurred after his change. She knew an enhanced version of the facade his family put on to convince everyone they were a normal human family. He couldn’t give her more, not yet. He had to convince her to give him a chance, so that they could get to the point where she would  _ really _ know him. He tried to reassure her, “We are not together anymore.”

He looked for any change in Emily’s eyes but kept going when he didn’t see one. He needed to lay it out there for her. The whole dirty truth, minus the vampire parts. “Emily, my wife left me nearly a year ago. We are not together. I haven’t even seen her since then and this is the first time I’ve heard from her in seven months.” He was utterly shocked Emily was letting him explain but felt her anger turning into hurt. As guilty as he felt about it, he checked her eyes again to make sure she was listening.

What he saw reflected what he sensed in her emotions. Maybe she was letting her guard back down? He couldn’t be too hopeful yet. 

He swallowed the excess venom that now pooled in his mouth and continued, still gazing into Emily’s softening eyes. He was really hoping this next part, as much as it was going to hurt, would help her understand. So he took a deep breath, lowered his hands, and shoved them deep into the front pockets of his jeans. “Alice,” he spoke quietly, wincing at her name and for what he was about to explain. “Was my foster sister when we were younger. We were very close from the beginning. I thought the relationship made sense. Eventually, I was convinced and we married but, Emily, she left me without a trace, vanished. She left me here in Ithaca last October.”

He nearly pleaded with Emily to understand, trying to work around that hurt she still felt, “There is no relationship there anymore, she even said so herself in the note she left for me to find. The only thing that remains is the legality of it all. She hasn’t been around for me to get her to sign the divorce papers. If she is coming back, it has to be for Carlisle and Esme. She is as much a daughter to them as I am their son. I am sure she was doing me a courtesy by sending a warning.”

Jasper looked defeated and even Emily could see that, plain as day on his face. He looked tired like she’d never seen him before, the purple bags under his eyes more prominent now without the affection clouding his face. She had no doubt all of this was true because she knew Jasper well enough to sense when he was laying it all out there. Her heart hurt for him.

Emily’s mind reeled. Getting married so young was one thing but married and divorced all while still in college? Before college? She knew he was fostered by his aunt, she was like a mom to him but he’d never mentioned Alice. She supposed she now knew why. What would she have thought of him if he’d told her this in the beginning?

Wearily, she relaxed backward, no longer trying to push her way past him. Ashamed at the need to ask it, she whispered her next question, “Is this true?” 

Emily’s eyes bore into Jasper’s. Her hurt had transformed into something deeper and he wondered just how much he had afflicted her with this one secret. Could she handle the rest? He nodded solemnly, “I’d never lie to you, Emily.” He’d keep secrets that would keep her safe though. He might need to keep the big one for longer than he thought. 

Emily could feel herself coming down from an angry high, like taking a steep drop on a roller coaster. She was suddenly so tired. On one hand, it was a gift to feel things so deeply that her chest hurt, and her skin buzzed. On the other hand, supercharged emotions were short-lived in her and took so much out of her when she came back to even. 

She hadn’t even taken her next breath in when she found herself pressing her face against his chest and wrapping her arms around his lean waist. It wasn’t the most comfortable position, what with the buttons of his shirt pressing into her forehead but she couldn’t be bothered. She had jumped to conclusions on an issue that clearly was still a tender subject and had gone off on him for it. She could really be a shit person sometimes. She sighed, squeezing his waist the best she could. She mumbled into his shirt, “Jasper?”

He didn’t ask her to finish her thought. He felt her exhaustion and it made him wary on his feet. Wrapping his arms around her he vowed to himself never to hurt her, intentionally or unintentionally, again. He would beat his blood lust, he was determined to do that for her even if she didn’t know it. He would control his strength around her, taking everything slow no matter how much he wanted to get lost in her. He knew he would break the news to her that he was a blood-sucking monster, eventually. First, he needed to bring her around to the idea.


End file.
